Archive for Movies

Movie battle… The Road House remake

Posted in BATTLES with tags , , , , , on March 9, 2023 by Ross McG
Dalton was delighted to hear the Rosses were writing about him again. (MGM)

Ross McD and Ross McG must have been living under two separate rocks the past few months, because they’ve only just found out that 80s classic Road House is getting a remake.

One Ross thinks it’s a great idea, the other… not so much.

It’s time to get loaded in the Double Deuce and start fighting…

Ross McG: FOR

“You’re too stupid to have a good time.”

Back in the late ’80s, there was one VHS every 10-year-old kid wanted to get their grubby hands on. It had two magical words in its title, and under them were two more magical words: “Patrick” and “Swayze”.

And that film was… Dirty Dancing.

Don’t be fooled by the wave of nostalgia that has washed over movie culture the past 20 years ago proclaiming DD as the ultimate “chick flick”.

In the few years after Dirty Dancing was released in 1987 when it was finally available to rent on video, boys were gagging to see it just as much as girls.

On VHS, Dirty Dancing was rated 15, which back in the late 80s promised three things: boobs, blood and bad words. Even the title sounded grimy. It became a myth.

Anyone who claimed to have seen Dirty Dancing was cornered in the school playground at break-time. “Is it really dirty?” we’d ask. “Is the dancing any good?”

Now, it seems laughable that the movie was some kind of prepubescent forbidden fruit. On the film’s IMDb Parents Guide page, under the “violence and gore” section, one of the warnings reads: “Two men fight”.

Hmmm… now what if there was a Swayze movie where that was the ENTIRE plot?

While they stupidly wouldn’t admit to loving the wonderful Dirty Dancing, teenage boys – and, as Swayze’s legendary bouncer James Dalton calls them, “40-year-old adolescents” – worshipped Road House.

This is a movie that, incredibly, lives up to its endless set of legendary taglines. Exhibit A? “The dancing’s over. Now it gets dirty.”

This is a movie where Dalton rips out a man’s throat with his bare hands. This is a film where Sam Elliott plays Sam Elliott. This is a film featuring the music of the late great blind guitarist Jeff Healey. This is a film in which Jackie Treehorn himself, Ben Gazzara, one of American cinema’s most esteemed actors, plays one of its downright meanest villains. This is a film directed, appropriately enough, by a man named Rowdy. This is a film in which Swayze utters the immortal line, “Pain don’t hurt”.

They just don’t make ’em like this any more. Except… now they do. Road House is getting a redo. And I for one am delighted.

They really should remake Road House every 10 years, not every 35. Every generation needs its Road House.

The remake is being directed by Doug Liman, famous for Swingers, the first Bourne movie, that one where Tom Cruise dies every day and that other Tom Cruise one where he smuggles cocaine. In other words, it’s in safe hands.

And who is going to replace Swayze? Come on, you can’t replace Swayze.

But there’s only one man for the job of trying to match him.

It’s his Donnie Darko co-star, Jake Gyllenhaal, of course!

Anyone who believes ‘pain don’t hurt’ has clearly never shaved their armpits. (MGM)

In his heyday, Swayze went from Dirty Dancing to Road House to Ghost to Point Break to To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar. He’s remembered as an action tough guy, but if you look up “versatile” in the dictionary, you’ll find the definition of the word “versatile”, which is what he was.

Gyllenhaal is cut from the same cloth. I can’t think of a top-line male actor with a more varied – and mostly successful – output in recent years.

Zodiac, Prisoners, Nightcrawler, Nocturnal Animals… these are films with Gyllenhaal performances that will be talked about for decades.

But to slide into Swayze’s bouncing boots, you have to have action chops, and the signs are that Gyllenhaal will follow up his unhinged performance in Michael Bay’s Ambulance with something equally entertaining in Road House 2.0.

Recent set photos and footage, in which Gyllenhaal crashed an actual UFC weigh-in (his character is a former fighter turned bouncer), show that he is ripped and ready.

Gyllenhaal plays someone called Elwood Dalton, who could be the original Dalton’s son, nephew or just some other guy called Dalton, who cares? This isn’t Star Wars – everyone doesn’t have to be related to everyone else.

This is Bar Wars. And it’s about to get brutal, bloody and, who knows, maybe even booby. All over again.


“Never start anything inside unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

Let me start by saying I’m not against reboots or remakes at all. Yes, they are easy to shit on as lazy and pointless, but sometimes, there is a fair enough reason.

Sometimes the OG is in a foreign language, and an English redo might open it up to a larger audience who balk at subtitles (think The Ring, or Oldboy).

Sometimes, they try something fun like a gender switch (Overboard) or a live action version of an animated film (take your pick from Disney).

Sometimes it’s a classic horror looking for younger audiences who didn’t grow up with it (A Nightmare On Elm Street, Psycho, Carrie, The Thing).

And sometimes, it’s a casting choice that’s worth the try (David Harbour as Hellboy? Sure! Nic Cage in The Wicker Man? Absolutely!)

Allow me to also clarify, that each and every one of these remakes and reboots were totally shit. Or at very best, paled to transparency in comparison to the original.

I didn’t say I liked reboots. But I am not against them trying.

But there is a category of movie that should not, under any circumstances, be remade or rebooted.

And that is Patrick Swayze movies.

Ross McD, right, welcomes McG, left, around for another game of Wii Sports. (MGM)

Patrick Swayze movies are perfect. They don’t need anything. The only thing they should be “re”-ed, is re-released. As they are.

Did NOBODY see the desecration that was the second Point Break? Did NO ONE ELSE sit through that blasphemous second attempt at Dirty Dancing?

Who DA FUK can — with one sad-eyed look — say “I don’t wanna fight you but I will totally remove your throat with my bare hands if I have to”?

James Dalton literally invented the Mortal Kombat fatality. You don’t f**k with him, and you don’t f**k with his film.

It’s a real shame… Ross McG and I were only just discussing how Jake Gyllenhaal had yet to make a bad film, putting him in a rare category with Leo DiCaprio, and no one else.

You would think Swayze’s Donnie Darko castmate would have a little more respect. I guess not.

I love Gyllenhaal. I like the idea of the modern UFC setting. As an Irishman, I am even obligated to like Conor McGregor. He is undoubtedly the greatest fight salesman of all time. But can he sell this film? I highly doubt it.

If you’re willing to so shamelessly cast someone just for clout… well, you deserve the box office ground and pound you are bound to receive.

Seriously, stop disrespecting the Swayz with this shit.

If you’re not careful, they’re gonna remake Ghost with Channing fecking Tatum or something…



Cocaine Bear, Max Max, Cloud Atlas and the quest to find the best movie trailer ever

Posted in COMMENT with tags , , on March 2, 2023 by Ross McG
There is plenty of ursine around in Cocaine Bear’s trailer. (Universal)

What makes a good trailer these days?

Must it contain a glacially paced cover of an annoyingly popular song? Does it need a drum effect every time a character loads a gun or throws a punch?

Or can it dispense with such modern clichés and just focus on a bear coked out of its brain flying through the air in pursuit of an ambulance?

Poor Cocaine Bear.

The second I finished watching that trailer, I thought, “No way the actual film is gonna live up to that.”

But who hasn’t thought that after watching a trailer?

Perhaps not the woman who sued the distributors of the 2011 Nicolas Winding Refn vehicle Drive, claiming its thrill-a-second promo was a complete mis-sell of the finished and largely car chase-less movie, in which Ryan Gosling probably uttered the same amount of dialogue as he did in the trailer.

I have long considered launching my own legal action at the director and star’s follow-up, Only God Forgives, through which I was hoodwinked into a miserable cinema experience by one of the best trailers in living memory.

The success of that trailer was founded on two things: Gosling doing his best primary school kid impression at the end of it (“Wanna fight?”) and its soundtrack, namely the song ‘2020’ by Canadian band Suuns.

That song popped up again more recently in the trailer for Three Thousands Years Of Longing, directed by George Miller, a filmmaker who knows all about the impact of a good trailer.

The appetite for a fourth Mad Max movie was hardly huge, but that all changed when the teaser trailer for Fury Road dropped towards the end of 2014. This Verdi-backed, carnage-fuelled magnificence went a long way to enticing audiences into the theatre, something described in great detail in Blood, Sweat & Chrome: The Wild and True Story of Mad Max: Fury Road, by Kyle Buchanan, which is well worth a read.

I still can’t decide if the trailer is even better than the film itself.

Which reminds me of my favourite video sketch from The Onion, in which it reported on how the studio behind the celebrated trailer for 2008’s Iron Man made the controversial decision to expand the two-minute promo into a feature-length movie.

The major critique launched at modern movie trailers, apart from those overdone punches/drums effect combos (thanks a lot, Suicide Squad), is that they show too much.

So why is one of the best trailers ever made almost six minutes long?

I’m talking about the extended trailer for Cloud Atlas, the 2012 sci-fi epic directed by Lana and Lilly Wachowski and Tom Tykwer, which manages the seemingly impossible feat of showing everything while telling nothing.

It’s a remarkable trailer, all five minutes and 41 seconds of it, and has the power to flick those tear duct switches, usually just as Outro by M83 (who is, I kid you not, a friend of Ross McD’s) kicks in towards the end, which is astonishing in itself given the song has been used in just about every single thing ever.

Those are some of my favourites, but what are yours? What do you think is the greatest movie trailer of all time?

Movie battle… Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

Posted in BATTLES with tags , , , , on February 21, 2023 by rossvross
No one was pleased to see Ross McD and Ross McG turn up at the pier together. (Netflix)

You wait six years for one Ross v Ross blog post to come along, then two turn up in a matter of weeks.

That’s what we at RvR Towers call prolific.

You have to go all the way back to 2011 to find the last time Rosses McD and McG had a proper online cinema scrap, when the latter successfully argued against the former that Dirty Dancing kicks Footloose’s Bacon-shaped behind.

Well, from a rasher of Bacon to a slice of onion, one made out of glass. That’s right, Rian Johnson’s hugely divisive Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery is getting the movie battleground treatment.

Is it a work of genius, as Ross McD claims? Or is it the pile of muck that Ross McG declares?

Let battle commence…

Ross McD: FOR

“It’s a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth, don’t you think?”

Ross v Ross has been dormant for a while.

Over the past decade, Ross Senior has been trying to coax me back into our infantile debates… but if truth be told, I just didn’t have the fight in me any more. I just don’t care about films as much. I am jaded.

I think Rise of Skywalker was perhaps the last straw for me. A film franchise I adored. A film franchise I have tattoos of. A final film I actually crashed my car rushing to Burbank to see the media preview screening of. My insurance premium went up… for that?

It’s been so long since I really enjoyed a movie. I mean, really enjoyed. And then I saw Glass Onion. Twice, within 24 hours actually.

I excitedly texted Ross McG. “Hey did u watch Glass Onion?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “It was shit.”


Fine. I’ll take the bait.

Ross McD pretends to enjoy watching Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery. (Netflix)

Glass Onion is, in my opinion, the most enjoyable film of the past decade. People who claim not to like Glass Onion are doing so just to be contrarian.

“It’s stupid,” claims McG. “It’s predictable. It’s pretentious.”

I have some news that may come as a shock: It’s supposed to be stupid. It’s supposed to be predictable. It’s supposed to be pretentious. These are literally the whole point of the movie.

FFS, Daniel Craig’s Benoit Blanc even spells it out in the film’s conclusion (spoiler): the only reason the world’s greatest detective (Batman aside) was stumped, was because the plot was so f***ing stupid.

OMG! Ed Norton is the bad guy, and was just pretending to be nice?? You figured it out? Well done! He’s played that exact character in like 10 films.

An identical twin sister? The most hackneyed, weakest deus ex machina in the history of whodunnits? Yes.

Watch it again. All the clues are, as writer/director Rian Johnson promises, all right there to see. The first suspicion I had was the chess endgame puzzle, with all the pieces still on the board. “Wait that can’t be right?” I thought at the time. “How did none of the characters notice that?” No time to dwell on it. The film has moved on.

Turns out, no one noticed it because all the characters are stupid.

Glass Onion is a stupid film. A glorious, hilariously self-deprecating, sumptuously shot, superbly acted, cleverly concocted, outrageously fun, stupid film.

I’ll ask McG to name one better whodunnit. The real predictableness here will be McG’s answer of Clue.

How can you not appreciate the silliness of Glass Onion, yet revere Clue? Because you haven’t got one, that’s why.


“NO! It’s just dumb!”

Anyone catch a superb and atmospheric new murder mystery movie that dropped on Netflix over Christmas and New Year?

This whodunnit had a Hollywood A-lister bringing his A-game, a wonderful cast of supporting actors, eye-catching visuals, a director with a solid back catalogue, a script at times funny and frightening – but never boring – and a genuinely shocking twist.

Yeah, I flipping loved The Pale Blue Eye too.

Sadly, McD and Me aren’t here to talk about Scott Cooper’s little-heralded gem, where Christian Bale’s detective gets to grips with a real-life master of mystery, Edgar Allan Poe, brilliantly played by dastardly Dudley Dudsley himself, Harry Melling.

No, instead we’re stuck in a f***ing onion.

Has a film been less deserving of all the internet ink spilt about it? Not since The Last Jedi, anyway.

Hate or really hate Star Wars 8, you had to at least hand it to director Rian Johnson for trying something new with a franchise that rarely strays from its now tedious triumvirate of sandy planet/space chase/shiny stick fight.

But in Glass Onion, the follow-up to the rather enjoyable but now sullied Knives Out, Johnson doesn’t really try anything at all.

Ross McG was stunned to see Ross McD back blogging after nearly a decade. (Netflix)

This is modern filmmaking at its laziest, filled with immediately outdated references (Face masks! Twitter storms! Jared Leto’s tea!), needless cameos (Yo-Yo Ma! Serena Williams!) and painful miscasting (Kathryn Hahn as a governor!).

That the script for this mess is nominated for an Oscar is almost as big a middle finger to cinema as the one Johnson aims at his audience.

Just because you spend your movie proclaiming how everyone in it is stupid, doesn’t mean your movie isn’t stupid too.

Movies with stupid characters can be amazing – Dumb & Dumber remains a masterpiece, for example – but a movie with stupid characters that are impossible to like, or care about, just ends up grating.

Johnson could have allayed this somewhat had he decided to put any mystery into his murder mystery, but even if you cared about who did it, finding out whodunnit just doesn’t quite do it, does it?

By spending its crazy long running time lecturing its audience on how glass-eyed they are, Glass Onion becomes a totally joyless experience, sucked of any sense of wonder so often conjured by even the most basic movies in this genre.

Ross McD got one thing right though: I would say Glass Onion is no Clue. Problem is, it’s not even Murder Mystery, yeah that’s right, the one with Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, also dumped on Netflix.

Apart from the Frank TJ Mackey reference, I can’t think of one reason to recommend Glass Onion. Sorry Benoit, I’m drawing a complete… Blanc.

It’s been 35 years and I still can’t stop thinking about Crocodile Dundee II

Posted in COMMENT with tags , , on February 1, 2023 by Ross McG

Six years. Six years since either of us Rosses have posted anything on this crummy site.

You know how much it costs to keep a website going for six years without posting anything? Yeah, not much.

In those six years, Ross McD (him) and Ross McG (me) have seen each other… once. The Atlantic Ocean has that affect on late 2000s blog bromances.

But how many times have I watched Crocodile Dundee II in that same period? The whole way through? Again, probably just once. How many times though have I thought about Crocodile Dundee II in the past six years? Oh that’s easy. Once. Once every day.

And the thought it always this: Crocodile Dundee II is one of the most gorgeous looking films ever made, and nobody talks about this.

And I’m not going to either. Not yet, anyway.


First, we have to talk about Crocodile Dundee II as a thing, a sequel that financially made all the sense in the world yet, for me at least, has become a movie monolith – inexplicable.

For those of you who did not grow up in fashion’s worst decade, 1988’s Crocodile Dundee II (even the Roman numerals are off, a film like this usually carries a big fat ‘2’) is the sequel to 1986’s Crocodile Dundee.

Croc Dun One, as no one but me just then called it, was a riot, a fish-out-of-water tale that turned into a whale, grossing more than $300m worldwide and getting outperformed in the US by only one other film: Top Gun. Where’s the sequel for that one, huh?

Audiences were so taken by the adventures of Mick Dundee (Paul Hogan) in New York that he was back on the big screen within two years in the inevitable sequel. Crocodile Dundee II was The Way of Water of its day – it took in a tonne of money ($230m) then everyone tried to pretend it didn’t exist.

But thank goodness it does, because it looks phenomenal.


The eight-year-old me saw it in the appropriately opulent surroundings of the Grand Opera House in Belfast, on a day trip with our town youth club summer scheme, and while I loved the clothes-switch ending, which has always stayed with me, I quickly forgot about Mick and his adventure in the outback (unlike the original, most of Crocodile Dundee II takes place Down Under).

But then something happened.

I caught Croc 2 a few years back on TV, and it’s been doing the rounds of Film4 or ITV4 ever since. Like Jaws or Predator or that dire third Taken movie, it’s never not on television.

Crocodile Dundee II is far from a masterpiece – it’s kind of the original but in reverse order, and with a needless drug cartel/kidnap plot tacked on – but my obsession with it stems from just how damned fine it looks.

I’ve never classed myself as one of those ‘Oh, the cinematography was masterful!’ buffs, because deep down every wannabe film critic accepts they don’t know the first thing about cinematography. But even my untrained eye is always opened by the popping vistas and bright colours of Crocodile Dundee II. No cash cow sequel should look this wonderful.

The man largely responsible for that look is Australian cinematographer Russell Boyd, and everything starts to make sense after a quick glance through his CV.


He also shot the first Crocodile Dundee movie, but the budget almost doubled for the sequel, and frankly, it looks like a good chunk of that money was wisely thrown at the screen.

Boyd may not be the best known cinematographer – he’s not a superstar name like Roger Deakins or Emmanuel Lubezki – but he’s had a hand in crafting some of the best – and best looking – movies across five decades.

Most of these were done in collaboration with one of my favourite directors, Peter Weir, on beautiful works of art such as 1975’s Picnic At Hanging Rock, the closest thing to an Impressionist painting come to life, and 2003’s Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, for which he won a deserved Oscar.

Boyd was also behind the camera on two of the greatest sports movies of the 1990s, White Men Can’t Jump and Tin Cup, both directed by Ron Shelton.

And you know what? I’d put flipping Crocodile Dundee II up there with any of them in the visual feast stakes.

Ignore the film’s 9% rating on Rotten Tomatoes – and while you’re at, ignore Rotten Tomatoes altogether, it’s a pointless site – Crocodile Dundee II is a glorious piece of cinema eye candy.

Happy 35th birthday, CDII…

Here are the 30 movies that I watched over Christmas

Posted in TOP FIVES with tags , on January 1, 2017 by Ross McG


I used to do these all the time.

Just after Christmas, I’d rattle through all the movies I’d gorged on over the holidays and whack em up on this blog.

You can read the past ones here, and for me it’s like delving into a personal past I never knew existed; did I really watch Mamma Mia? And ENJOY it?!

There are some equally disturbing entries (doesn’t that sound like an early 90s psychological thriller in the mould of Single White Female… DISTURBING ENTRY) in the list below, because it was bloomin’ Christmas.

You might not watch the best films ever made around Christmas, but you tend to watch a lot of them. I know I do.

As in previous years, I didn’t watch every one of the movies below in their entirety. Some of them, sure, but others were caught for 15 minutes or half an hour – that’s the beauty of the Christmas TV schedule.

Most of the below were seen on TV, and they are listed in the chronological order in which I viewed them.

If you get the chance, give us your Christmas viewing list in the comments below. Happy new year…

1. Love Actually


Where better to begin my festive watching than with everyone’s most loved/hated Christmas movie? I love Love Actually, actually – and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Okay, I’m a bit ashamed, but as ashamed as I should be.

2. Trading Places


This has become a pre-Christmas tradition, dusting off the old DVD and lashing it on a few days before December 25. I lapsed last Christmas, but the two-year gap did me good, as this time round it felt even funnier. Clarence Beeks remains the biggest git in movie history.

3. Scrooged


My mum took me to see this in the cinema, so it will always have a special place in my heart, which is more than can be said for its star, Bill Murray, who reportedly hated it. Sorry, Bill, you’re wrong.

4. 12 Dates of Christmas


Uh… okay. This isn’t my usual Christmas fare, but it was lurking on Channel 5 on a boring afternoon so I gave it a go. Amy Smart has always been an underrated comedic actress and Mark-Paul Gosselaar (from the amazing Franklin & Bash – and some show called Saved By The Bell) pops up as the romantic love interest and… it’s really not that bad. Really.

5. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid


From the ridiculous to the sublime. George Roy Hill’s genre-subverting classic wipes the floor with most modern movies. It’s a western where the main hero doesn’t know how to fire a gun and spends most of the running time doing just that: running away (John Wayne would never have played Butch Cassidy). William Goldman’s script still crackles nearly 50 years later.

6. Cool Runnings


Candy is the man.

7. Holiday in Handcuffs


Zack Morris isn’t the only Saved By The Beller getting up to some festive antics. In Holiday in Handcuffs, AC Slater is kidnapped by Sabrina the Teenage Witch in a bid to convince her pushy parents that she has a boyfriend for Christmas. It’s absolute drivel, of course, but it killed 20 minutes or so.

8. The Hateful Eight


Quentin Tarantino’s snowbound chat-then-shoot-em-up is perfect cosy Christmas viewing… as long as you like your turkey’s juices running red. It’s as if the director took the stunning basement bar scene from Inglorious Basterds and decided to make an entire film out of it – and it’s bloody brilliant.

9. Forgetting Sarah Marshall


I had forgotten Paul Rudd was in this… and how flipping funny the whole thing is.

10. Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa


The Alan Partridge movie is still a bit hit-and-miss, even on a third viewing, but when it hits it hits hard. ‘What’s your favourite siege?’ – ‘Iranian hostage crisis.’ – ‘Me too!’

11. The Vikings


What’s your favourite movie with Kirk Douglas and Tony Curtis? If you answered with Spartacus, you’re wrong – The Vikings is where it’s at.

12. The Lady in the Van


I caught the last five minutes of this, and was left as confused as all hell. Just what the heck was going on?

13. Love Actually


Yes. I watched Love Actually again. Attack me if you dare, I will crush you.

14. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban


PoA finishes with one huge hour-long time-travelling sequence that is exhausting, but it’s also deliciously clever. Hermione’s ‘Does my hair really look like that from the back?’ might be the funniest line in the Potter movies.

15. Pride


This had me crying bucketloads. The true story of how the LGBT community backed the miners’ strike in the 80s, Pride is rabble-rousing, poignant and hilarious in equal measure, constantly flitting between one of several main characters to always keep you on your toes.

16. Muriel’s Wedding


I had forgotten how utterly depressing Muriel’s Wedding is until I flicked on the last 40 minutes while late-night Christmas channel hopping, but its depiction of dullness is the film’s secret weapon; life isn’t all bombastic Abba numbers, you know.

17. Death on the Nile



Just caught the last 15 minutes of this to find out which of the starry cast did it. Peter Ustinov’s Poirot had all the answers, of course.

18. Teen Wolf


When I was nine, I thought Teen Wolf was the best film ever made and couldn’t possibly be equalled. While I have since learned this not to be the case, it still has its charm. I stayed with it until the classic keg of beer scene, then went outside. I didn’t just watch movies over Christmas, you know.

19. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire


A good few Christmases ago, this was the movie that finally convinced me Harry Potter films were worth watching, and it still holds up, thanks to the stirring action of the Triwizard tournament and a really chilling ending.

20. Love Story


This one I watched in its entirety. I’d always avoided Love Story in the pigheaded belief it was over-sentimental drivel – how wrong was I? Soon-to-be college sweethearts Ryan O’Neal and Ali MacGraw clash in the very first scene and the whole thing unfolds wonderfully from there, right up to its tear-filled ending.

21. Captain America: Civil War


This was another full watch. In the cinema, I thought Civil War might be the best Marvel movie yet, but its deficiencies become more apparent on a second viewing. It’s still terrific fun, but it might have elevated itself to the Best Superhero Movie Ever title had it contained any sense of jeopardy. At no point do you worry about the fate of any leading character, which is a shame. The airport bit is fantastic, though.

22. Muppets Most Wanted


I caught the second half of this on telly, and laughed way more than I thought I would at a film containing large chunks of Ricky Gervais.

23. About Time


I have a feeling About Time really will stand the test of that word in its title. A bit of a gem.

24. Beaches


Anyone who dismisses Beaches as a throwaway chick flick is an idiot. It’s not a film about women – it’s a film about friendship; and a funny and beautiful one at that. Guaranteed to make a grown man cry, especially at Christmas.

25. The Great Muppet Caper


How did they do that bicycle bit in Battersea Park?! So brilliant.

26. Star Wars: The Force Awakens


I watched The Force Awakens while building some Star Wars Lego – that’s how cool I am. I obviously like it if I decided to watch it for a third time, but I do hope they dispense with the action and concentrate more on the characters in the upcoming Episode VIII – there’s almost too much stuff blowing up in The Force Awakens. That bit with the upside down Millennium Falcon and the gun turret though… super.

27. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince


I love a bit of Potter at Christmas, and Half-Blood Prince is quickly becoming my favourite instalment, mainly because it blends the humour and the darkness so beautifully.

28. 84 Charing Cross Road


This is a film in which Anthony Hopkins and Anne Bancroft write each other letters. That’s all that happens. And it’s kind of great. Rumour has it Michael Bay is circling the remake.

29. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1


My final Potter fix this Christmas. There are some Harry fans who rate this below the frankly unwatchable first two films, which is grossly unfair. Yes, our heroes spend a good deal of the action off the Hogwarts reservation in a tent, but there are so many memorable sequences, particularly Harry’s return to Godric’s Hollow and the magnificent animated tale of The Three Brothers, which is as powerful as anything else in the entire series.

30. You Again


You’ve seen them kick Michael Myers’ and the Alien queen’s respective asses – now catch Jamie Lee Curtis and Sigourney Weaver together in a bizarre romcom that also features Betty White, Bobby Ewing and, uh, Hall and Oates. I only saw the last ten minutes, but what a perfect way to round off my Christmas movie viewing.




What if The Goonies had Twitter

Posted in NEWS with tags , on May 21, 2015 by Ross McG


Here’s a piece I did over on this week, exploring what might have had happened if the members of The Goonies had access to smartphones and Twitter when they were hunting One-Eyed Willy’s treasure and fending off the Fratellis.

You can read the post by clicking HERE.

Or you can go directly to the Twitter timeline of the entire plot of The Goonies by clicking HERE.

Big thanks to Sean Astin (Mikey), Jeff Cohen (Chunk) and Corey Feldman (Mouth) who already tweeted links to the article.

It’s the 30th anniversary of The Goonies in a few weeks.


The best orgasm scenes in movies

Posted in TOP FIVES with tags , , on July 31, 2014 by Ross McG


Today is National Orgasm Day. Of course it is. It’s right up there with St Patrick’s Day and No Pants Day as one of the worst holidays ever.

What’s that? It isn’t a holiday? We don’t get the day off? Screw that. Uh… precisely.

Some people think cinema was invented (by Steven Spielberg or James Cameron – I always forget which one it was) to show us the beauty and sadness of life, to take us to new worlds, to fire our imagination. Rubbish.

Movies came, ahem, along to do one thing: depict lots of actors and actresses showing us their O face.

In honour of National Orgasm Day then, here are the best and worst orgasm scenes in cinema.


Okay, let’s start with the drivel before we get on to the good, uh, stuff. And with most lists of terrible things, it begins with The Ugly Truth. Take it away Katherine Heigl… and take away my ability to forget about this awful, awful movie.

Don’t worry, we’re only going to subject you to one more bad orgasm scene. Amy Adams is a terrific actress. But she has one major blot in her copybook: Cruel Intentions 2: Cruels Control. Okay, so I made the ‘Cruels Control’ bit up, but it’s still terrible. And it has a terrible orgasm scene, in which Adams teaches her protégé the correct way to ride (sorry!) a horse.



10. American Pie (1999)

The original has been so undermined by its 200 terrible sequels and spin-offs that it’s easy to forget just how good – and sweetly innocent – the first American Pie movie is – like The Inbetweeners for US yoofs before The Inbetweeners existed. Its signature scene shows just how good an actor Jason Biggs is – he only ever needs two takes.


9. Barbarella (1968)

Jane Fonda proves that machine is no match for woman in this quite literally steamy scene from the 60s sci-fi classic.


8. Bruce Almighty (2003)

If you woke up one day and realised you were God, wouldn’t you give your girlfriend an orgasm through a wall just by moving your hands? Seems only polite. Jennifer Aniston obviously took some notes from her former flatmate Courtney Cox when it comes (sorry! Again!) to carnal pleasures. Ugh.. I used the word ‘carnal’ – gross.


7. There’s Something About Mary (1998)

Yes there is, and there’s something hanging from Ben Stiller’s ear that he’s not aware of. As if women actually use hair gel…


6. Private Parts (1997)

The movie of shock jock Howard Stern’s life isn’t really that shocking, but it does contain a pretty memorable on-air-radio/at-home-with-vibrating-speaker orgasm scene. Couldn’t do that these days with Spotify.


5. Pleasantville (1998)

You probably know Joan Allen best for chasing Jason Bourne, but here she makes a splash in more ways than one during a bath in Gary Ross’s underrated comedy drama. This orgasm is so good it turns black-and-white into colour, a feat previously achieved only by The Wizard of Oz. No magic wand jokes!


4. Amélie (2001)

Audrey Tautou pervs over Paris. ‘Quinze!’ Brilliant.


3. A Fish Called Wanda (1988)

If only more Oscars were handed out for performances in comedies. Kevin Kline is brilliant as crazy Otto in A Fish Called Wanda, even when he’s having sex. Don’t call him Stupid.


2. Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997)

Not a real orgasm, but a great one, as Romy (Mira Sorvino) does some amateur acting to procure a car. ‘Oh Rrrrrrramone… You are Columbus and I am America – discover me!’ Talking dirty has never sounded so funny.


1. When Harry Met Sally (1989)

YES! YES! YES! More orgasm fakery now, and who other than Meg Ryan could top this list? Sally Albright is the one person you don’t want to be sat near in a restaurant… or maybe you do? We’ll have what she’s having.

It’s Boss time… The best of Bruce Springsteen in the movies

Posted in TOP FIVES with tags , on January 13, 2014 by Ross McG


Bruce Springsteen albums are a bit like birthdays – if you wait around long enough, one will come along. Unlike most birthdays, however, Bruce Springsteen albums are usually pretty brilliant. This month he releases High Hopes, a collection of covers – of his own previous work and other artists’ songs – and unreleased material. Continue reading