Top 12… Movie characters called Frank

This week sees the release of Frankenweenie, Tim Burton’s latest jaunt into haunting animation. What better time then to rattle through the most memorable Franks in cinema history.

12. Frank Martin – The Transporter movies (2002 – 2008)

Frankie Goes To: Take His Shirt Off. And Beat You With It

The Transporter movies are as crap as they are ridiculous, but they just about manage to hold your attention thanks to The Stath. As Frank Martin, Jason Statham does everything from saving his car from drowning to fighting while getting undressed.

Verdict: Frank: High Voltage

11. Frank Ricard – Old School (2003)

Frankie Goes To: Strip Naked And Run Through The Streets

I’m not Old School’s greatest fan. In truth, it’s not as funny as the frat boys tell you. But it does have some good moments and a great Frank. As Frank The Tank, Will Ferrell gets to induldge in his love of derobing and debating.

Verdict: Franks for the memories

10. Frank Lucas – American Gangster (2007)

Frankie Goes To: Smuggle Drugs From Vietnam

A real Frank, although in typically Hollywood fashion, apparently you’d be hard pressed to find anything from the fim that actually happened. And no one looks as good as Denzel Washington. Heck, not even Denzel Washington looks like Denzel Washington.

Verdict: Frank butcher

9. Frank Hackett – Network (1976)

Frankie Goes To: Check The Ratings

He may have a name like that of a drunk priest, but Mr Hackett, not unlike Mr Cross above, is a scary TV executive who will do anything to get to the top of the ratings. We know this because he went on to star in Gone In 60 Seconds.

Verdict: Frank it up

8. Dr Frank-N-Furter – The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

Frankie Goes To: Do A Big Dance Number

Truth be told, we prefer Tim Curry’s performance in the underrated and overlooked Clue, but he knows how to make an entrance here. Great legs too.

Verdict: Frankenfine

7. Frank – Donnie Darko (2001)

Frankie Goes To: The Future? A Different Reality? A Parallel Dimension? Who knows?

At Ross v Ross Towers, we have long given up the quest of diciphering what Donnie Darko is all about. Okay, so we haven’t really tried finding out. But when you’re freaked out by a giant scary rabbit, the plot just doesn’t seem important any more.

Verdict: Franks for scaring the crap out of me

6. Frank Cross – Scrooged (1988)

Frankie Goes To: Get His Conscience

Frank Cross (Bill Murray) is one character who lives up to his name. Frank, in that he is very forthright with people. Cross, in that he is an angry, evil git. But we love ‘im. As a character in a Christmas movie, he would hate being featured in a movie list in October.

Verdict: Franking machine

5. Frank Booth – Blue Velvet (1986)

Frankie Goes To: Crazy town

Frank Booth is the meanest, sweariest Frank on this list. Finding a clip of him in action in which he isn’t cursing a streak is a monumental achievement on a par with David Lynch’s film in which he features. The best we could do was a scene predominantly filled with Dean Stockwell mouthing along to the beautiful music of Roy Orbison. And even that has Booth swearing. A little.

Verdict: Fr**ks a bunch

4. Frank Abagnale Jr – Catch Me If You Can (2002)

Frankie Goes To: Jail

There’s all this nonsense that Steven Spielberg’s best film is ET or Schindler’s List. Of course, anyone with a flipping brain knows it’s Jaws, but Catch Me If You Can lives up to its title by running it a close second. It has one of the great Hanks. And it has one of the great Franks.

Verdict: Frankly my dear, I do give a damn

3. Frank TJ Mackey – Magnolia (1999)

Frankie Goes To: Fake Like He Is Nice And Caring

Respect something. Tame something else. That is all.

Verdict: Frank outsider

2. Frank Drebin – The Naked Gun movies (1988 – 1994)

Frankie Goes To: My Funnybone

Sergeant Frank Drebin is a cop who plays by his own rules. It’s just that no one – not even him – know what those rules are.

Verdict: Highest Franking officer

1. Clint Eastwood

Huh? Clint Eastwood? Clint Eastwood isn’t called Frank. No, but he has played four characters called Frank, which makes him a worthy holder of our number one spot, crazy barking at an imaginary Barack Obama on a chair notwithstanding. Here are his Franks…

Frankie Dunn – Million Dollar Baby (2004)

Verdict: A Frankful Of Dollars

Frank Corvin – Space Cowboys (2000)

Verdict: Some people call him Maurice… WHOOO-WHOO. But his name is Frank

Frank Horrigan – In The Line Of Fire (1993)

Verdict: In The Line Of Frank

Frank Morris – Escape From Alcatraz (1979)

Verdict: Losers always whine about their beeeeheeest… not Frank. Oh, wrong movie about Alcatraz. Sorry



2 Responses to “Top 12… Movie characters called Frank”

  1. you forgot frank from “MIB”

  2. Rich Feuerbach Says:

    Frank…..Once upon a time in the west…

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