Poetry in Motion Pictures: Die Hard
Have you ever watched one of your favourite movies and thought, ‘You know what, I’d love to see that turned into a short poem’? Er, no, didn’t think so. Well tough, that’s exactly what you’re going to get here.
By Hans Gruber
Touching cowboy, touching.
Or should I call you Mr McClane?
Your antics are annoying.
I wish you’d stayed on your plane.
What idiot put you in charge?
You make me want to cry.
You asked for miracles, Theo,
I give you the FBI.
Where are my detonators?
This is becoming quite a bore.
I’m going to count to three,
There will not be a four.
Troublesome for a security guard,
You think you’re John Wayne? Rambo?
Give me the code as now I have
A machine gun. Ho, ho, ho.
Mr Takagi will not be joining us…
For the rest of his life.
Soon I’ll get to someone you do care about,
Like your long-suffering wife.
Asian Dawn? I read about them in
Time Magazine. Yippie-ki-yay.
And my name? Not important now
But it’s Clay… Bill Clay.