Ross v Ross

Wrath of the Titans is out this week. You know, the sequel to Clash of the Titans from about ten minutes ago? But instead of rehashing their list of the most pointless sequels ever, Ross McG has taken Titans’ cue for another rundown: characters changing their haircuts in the next instalment of a movie franchise. Super mash-up pics from Ross McD.

Series: The Titans… as in Clash of the Titans and Wrath of the Titans

Clash... AAAA-AAAA! He'll comb every one of us!

Character: Perseus

Makeover: In Clash of the Titans, that one from a few years ago with the giant scorpions and the eye-scratchingly awful retrofitted 3D (the ‘D’ standing for ‘Dear lord, why did I pay to watch this?’, the ‘3’ signifying the number of times during the film you knew exactly what was going on), Perseus, poster boy for the gods, had a tight buzz cut. Questions were raised about whether an ancient hero such as this would have had access to an electric razor.

To be fair it briefly took the attention away from how crummy the film was. Anyway, in Wrath of the Titans, Perseus is back. But this time he has curls. Which of course, automatically makes the whole thing instantly historically accurate.

Verdict: Clash of the Curlers, but the buzz cut had to go

Series: Mission Impossible

Don't bother trying to shoot your new hair Hunt, the bullets will only bounce back off the impenetrable layers of conditioner

Character: Ethan Hunt

Makeover: It’s hard enough working out the plots of the Mission Impossible movies (Jon Voight is a bad guy! Who would have seen that coming?!) and the constant face-changing antics without worrying about the hair-changing antics of its main spy guy. You can always tell how good a Mission Impossible film is going to be by Tom Cruise’s hair. Short and tidy means the film will be edgy and laughter-free. Long and flowing means he is going to jump off lots of tall things. Like rocks. And the highest building in the world.

Verdict: Long is strong, but tight is right

Series: Alien

Take two bottles into the shower? No.

Character: Ellen Ripley

Makeover: Forget the bloody aliens, the real marvel of evolution in these films is Ripley’s barnet. It goes from regal and curly in Alien to Kevin Keegan curly in Aliens, before disappearing altogether in Alien3 and then metamorphosing into full blown mullet in Alien Resurrection. As scary a bunch of transformations as anything sucking on to your face then bursting out of your chest.

Verdict: Has to be Aliens. The deadliest curls in cinema history

Series: Star Wars – the prequels. Yep, sorry, the crap ones.

I hate my hair. It's coarse and it gets everywhere

Character: Anakin Skywalker

Makeover: Where do you start with this? What a mess. Terrible. I was left so angry by it. No, not the Star Wars prequels, but little Darth Vader’s hairstyle in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. If only it had have been Revenge of the Scissors. That way we would have been spared the awful adolescent cut from AOTC – part Ice Man from Top Gun, part My Little Ponytail – and the total shocking mop from ROTS. I’ve got a bad feeling about this haircut… Perhaps he just frightened the Jedi younglings to death by brushing it in front of them. Must have been awful hard to get sand out of it.

Verdict: A long time ago, in a hairdressing salon far, far away…

Series: Lethal Weapon

I'm getting too old for this shit haircut. So here's a new shit haircut

Character: Martin Riggs

Makeover: Subtle. Which is remarkable considering the firebrand pyscho burnout whose hair is doing the changing. Riggs is a cop who plays by his own rules… and so does his hair, barely altering from shaggy mullet in the first three movies, although it does get progressively tidier. Come Leathal Weapon 4 however and BOOM! the mullet is gone. It didn’t matter, cos nobody watched Lethal Weapon 4 anyway.

Verdict: The Lethal Weapon in this case is a pair of scissors. I never thought I’d say this… but this man suits a mullet

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE HAIRCUTS IN MOVIES?

This entry was posted on March 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm and is filed under TOP FIVES with tags Haircut, Mel Gibson, Movies, Tom Cruise, Wrath of the Titans. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.