Top Five… exaggerations

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Embellishments are everywhere in movies. Just check the taglines, they usually boast of The Ultimate this, The Final that, The Only him and The Greatest her. And just under that it will usually say ‘Directed by Michael Bay’. But it’s not just those behind the camera who are partial to the odd game of Hyper-Bowl, as these characters will attest…

5. ‘How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?’ (Uncle Rico – Napoleon Dynamite)

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Uncle Rico was pretty feckin awesome, but not even James Van Der Beek in Varsity Blues would have made that shot. Yet, is it really an exaggeration if Uncle Rico truly believed it?

4. ‘I’m so damned fast I can wake up at the crack of dawn, rob two banks, a train and a stage coach, shoot the tail feathers off a duck’s ass at 300 feet, and still be back in bed before you wake up next to me.’ Border kid (The Kid – The Quick And The Dead)







Granted the Leo was fast, but let’s be honest – he was outdrawn by Gene Hackman. That guy is old. I’ve never even seen a film where he was less than 60 years old. I think he was born that age.

3. ‘I wouldn’t trade places with Edmund Exley right now for all the whiskey in Ireland.’ (Dudley Smith – LA Confidential)

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It’s pretty hard to believe that someone as stereotypically Oirish as James Cromwell’s character would turn down what is a significant amount of whiskey for the sake of a few slaps off Russell Crowe. In fact, I’d say he’d take a thumping for a single glass of Jemmy. Boyo.

2. ‘This is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off.’ (Harry Callaghan – Dirty Harry)

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Bit of a two-fer waffle here. Had Clint bought a .454 Casull instead of a .44 Magnum, he might have had an argument. Plus, while it might remove your head, it certainly wouldn’t be clean. But would you tell Harry that? Would ya, punk?

1. ‘The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.’ (Darth Vader – Star Wars)

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Over the course of six films, all we’ve really seen this ‘all-powerful Force’ do is move a few small objects, distract a couple of individuals and maybe get some ‘ol one pregnant. Impressive at parties perhaps. Heck, even the greatest practitioner of all time struggled getting an old jalopy out of a swamp. I think if Admiral Ackbar was given the choice, he’d take the Superlaser.


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10 Responses to “Top Five… exaggerations”

  1. Justin Michaels Says:

    Nice list McD, you sound like a man who has exaggerated about things from time to time. Leo Di Carp-rio telling the seven seas he was ‘the king of the world’ has to be a bit of an overstatement. although it raises an interesting question… who IS the king of the world?

  2. LOL. You’re so right about the force…

  3. surely Uncle Rico could have thrown the ball over that mountain had he tried

  4. TheChair Says:

    Very funny list. Love the Force gags.

  5. Alex McR Says:

    Then again, the force destroys the Death Star. Sort of. The force can utilise missiles if it wants to.

    And Old B One Kentabe sneaks right in there and turns off the shield. Spreading rumours about upcoming drills? That’s the true might of the force. If he wanted to he could probably have switched off that laser too.

  6. General Griervous Says:

    I find your lack of faith disturbing McD, Look wot happened to the last group of people who were too proud of the technological terror they created

  7. General Griervous Says:

    I find your lack of faith disturbing McD, Look wot happened to the last group of people who were too proud of the technological terror they created

  8. General Griervous Says:

    Double post, my bad!

  9. Uncle Rico, one of the best lines in the movie.

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