Top Five… movie injuries

ash-borderBeing a hero is a dangerous business. Someone might cut off your nose to spite your face, or you might saw off your own hand because it’s possessed. It’s tough out there.

5. Unhappy feet – Die Hard

It’s Christmas Eve at the Nakatomi building and all is quiet, except for the sound of… rapid bursts of gunfire! Terrorists can be so goddam mean. Especially if you have forgotten to put your shoes on. It will take more than a few blisters to stop John McClane though. Yippee-Ki-Yay, Kimosabe!

4. Pain in the neck – Death Becomes Her

More Bruce Willis, but this time he gets to watch Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn go to war on each other. Falling down stairs, shotgun blast to the belly… never mind, they’re just flesh wounds. And yes, Meryl is ridiculously hot.

3. Robot wars – Short Circuit 2

It was the axe swing that was heard around the world. Where were you when they beat the crap out of Johnny 5? And why wasn’t Steve Guttenberg there to stop it? Don’t worry kids, he gets up after this.

2. Give him a big hand – Evil Dead II

Bruce Campbell’s finest two minutes. It may be dumb, gross and laugh-out-loud funny all at the same time, but this scene also contains a brilliant piece of acting by the Big Chin. You actually do believe he is cutting off his own hand. Groovy.

1. Hard nosed – Chinatown

The cinematic injury to end all cinematic injuries. It’s not a huge one, yet you can’t think of Roman Polanksi’s classic without picturing Jack Nicholson all bandaged up. The fact that it’s Polanski who actually sticks the knife in Jack’s schnoz just makes this all the more fascinating to watch.

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6 Responses to “Top Five… movie injuries”

  1. Cinerama Says:

    No mention of Luke Skywalker in Empire Strikes Back?

    How about Jason Bourne in The Bourne Supremacy? He jumps off a bridge and jars his knee at the end of Supremacy and is still limping at the start of Ultimatum.

    Or how about Andy Nyman in Severance. It takes a good minute for that bear trap to sever his leg. Watch with caution… –

  2. Because I’m a player-hater, and because Leo DiCaprio has one of the most punchable faces in Hollywood, I’d like to give a shout out to Bill the Butcher in Gangs of New York. DiCaprio’s is goosed after our Bill (Daniel Day Lewis) scuppers a poorly planned attempt on his life by Mr Punchable. And here comes my favourite line in the whole film. Bill has DiCaprio on the table, his former employee now exposed as a lying traitor. Straddling him while loosening his tie, Bill grabs that pesky DiCaprio kid by the scruff of the neck and chirps ‘let’s kiss goodbye to that pretty face’. As for what follows, well, it probably hurt the morning after.

    I also believe an honourable mention is in order for Harvey ‘Two Face’ Dent in Christopher Nolan’s all-conquering The Dark Knight. Having half your face melted off would be enough to have most of us taking sick leave, but old Harvey (nailed by the much underrated Aaron Eckhart) gets straight back out there and kicks ass – albeit in a deranged, fucked-up, sadistic, judge-jury-and-fecking-executioner-rolled-into-one manner. Ouch!

  3. General Griervous Says:

    Yeah dat nasal slice in chinatown is one dat sends a shiver down ur spine &so uncalled for.
    Though I find it hard 2 believe ders no mention of Scarface! I guess it does happen off screen.

  4. Ryan McG Says:

    Kathy Bates playing chiropodist to James Caan in Misery. Jesus, I feel weak just thinking about it……

  5. Evil Dead 2. Best movie on the list + Bruce Campbell. Done and done.

  6. mcarteratthemovies Says:

    I second Aiden — “Evil Dead 2” is the primo choice, and it had the best injury scene of the trilogy. But the third movie had the best closing line ever: “Hail to the king, baby.” One of the best exit lines E-V-E-R.

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