‘Go ahead and read your Bible… Dennis!’ It’s the best ever Alec Baldwin movie moments


Now that he has been given his own political TV chat show on MSNBC, there’s no better time than to look at Alec Baldwin’s best movie moments. And to think, many of you just believed he was that puppet from Team America: World Police.

14. ‘Get it off!’

Alright, let’s get this over with. Here is Baldwin in the nip (almost) in It’s Complicated. It’s the kind of crappy scene that belong in an American Pie spin-off, but fair play to the Big B, he makes it work.

13. ‘That was a guess but it seemed logical’

Baldwin has got the lot. He even speaks Russian. And doesn’t speak it with a ridiculous Scottish accent. Hi, Sean Connery in The Hunt For Red October. Baldwin… best Jack Ryan ever.

12. ‘His trunks would not arrive for another 11 days’

Of course, you don’t need to see Baldwin for him to be brilliant, as this bit of narration from The Royal Tenenbaums illustrates. Baldwin’s distinctive tones have voiced everything from a Final Fantasy character to the Fat Controller in Thomas the Tank Engine.

11. ‘Can you be scary?’

When Alec Baldwin is playing the straight man, you know you have a wacky movie. Here he is the perfect foil to Michael Keaton’s out-there bio-exorcist in Beetlejuice. Nice shirt, too. And, of course, nice f*****g model,

10. ‘Hey everybody, look it’s a boy!’

Baldwin’s only ever Oscar nomination (I know, unbelievable, particularly given what is further down this list) came for his performance as a terrifying Las Vegas casino boss in The Cooler. The scene below has a shocking sleight of hand in it and not too many actors other than smart Alec could have pulled it off.

9. ‘Bingo was his name’

I love a bit of Along Came Polly. The plot is a bit lame and Ben Stiller does his usual tight-up romantic lead schtick, but it has two great performances in it. One is Philip Seymour Hoffman as Stiller’s crazy basketball playing friend and the other is Baldwin as Stiller’s freely peeing – and farting – boss.

8. ‘The sound you hear is the sound of s**t hitting the fan. Globally. You hear it?’

Baldwin has a habit of popping up in films that aren’t very good and making them better. Elizabethtown is a case in point. Interesting and engaging when he is on screen, whiny when he’s off it. Thanks, Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst. Here, Baldwin explains to Bloom the impact of a design flaw with his shoe company’s new trainer.

7. ‘Like my daddy always used to say…’

Another forgettable movie, another sparkling Baldwin pop-up. Jim Carrey crime caper remake Fun With Dick And Jane only lives up to the first word in its title when a certain someone is scene-stealing. Even if he does leave us hanging…

6. ‘I tell myself that I can’t hold out forever’

There is something Alec Baldwin can’t do. Sing. But even when being unable to sing, he still rocks, here carrying on with an equally tuneless Russell Brand in Rock Of Ages. The song they are singing is I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore by REO Speedwagon, the same song which Ryan Gosling and director Nicolas Winding Refn bonded over in a car, pushing them to make Drive. Awwwww…


Poor Bart the Bear. He went from starring in the greatest comedy of all time – The Great Outdoors – to be shouted at by Baldwin in the crappily titled The Edge. Baldwin famously refused to shave his beard off for the role, but if only someone had shaved off some of the ham from Anthony Hopkins’ performance.

4. ‘How about a smoke? You want a smoke? You don’t smoke, do ya? What are you, one of those fitness freaks? Go **** yourself’

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The Departed is one of the greatest comedies ever made. Why else would Scorsese cast Baldwin, Nicholson and Wahlberg? It was the latter who got the Oscar nom, but it’s Baldwin who again steals the show, swearing his way into our hearts.

3. ‘I fired a warning shot, it hit you’

Brilliant character name, brilliant Baldwin. In director George Armitage’s bizarre crime film, he’s Frederick J Frenger Jr. Not only is he trouble, he does the greatest impersonation of a police officer ever.

2. ‘Oh, have I got your attention now? Good’

Now we get to the really good stuff. When Alec Baldwin dies, this is the clip they will show on the news. Although it will have to be the post-watershed news. He is electrifying in Glengarry Glen Ross, from his reluctance to give out his name to his (literally) brass cojones. The only time anyone anywhere has ever felt sorry for a team of estate agents.

1. ‘I am never ever sick at sea’

Baldwin’s speech in Glengarry Glen Ross may be his signature rant, but for my money it just gets pipped at the post by this one from underrated 90s drama Malice. Peter Gallagher’s eyebrows never stood a chance.



One Response to “‘Go ahead and read your Bible… Dennis!’ It’s the best ever Alec Baldwin movie moments”

  1. I’m gonna have to agree with you on these picks. Although, some 30 Rock may have been nice.

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