Top Five… Facts about James T Kirk


Star Trek is back. And this time it’s dark. Except it isn’t really. Not at all, in fact. It has the word ‘darkness’ in its title, so that’s good. Kind of a misleading title though. Bit like X-Men Origins: Wolverine in that regard, which should have just been called Total Crapola. Anyway, here’s some things from Ross McD that you should know about James Tiberius Kirk.

5. He could have been Pike

In the pilot episode for the very first Star Trek, Captain James T Kirk was originally supposed to be Captain Christopher Pike, played by John Wayne’s mate in The Searchers, Jeffrey Hunter. But Hunter decided he wanted to do other things, and NBC decided the show was ‘too nerdy’ (if only the execs of the day could see what passes for ‘entertainment’ these days- I’m looking at you Big Bang Theory), and in am unprecedented move demanded a second pilot. The protagonist was changed to one James T Kirk. Pike still appears in Star Trek canon as an ancillary character.

4. He’s a slut

Captain Kirk’s penchant for the ladies is well known, but just how bad a womaniser is he? According to discussion site The Trek BBS, Kirk has, erm ‘made 8 confirmed home runs, 8 unconfirmed home runs and 13 1st base hits only (kissing)’… Which says a lot for the type of people who discuss Star Trek online. Anyhoo, it means Jimmy scored 29 times out of 79 TV episodes and eight films, a success rate of exactly one in three. That’s pretty decent.

3. He has a scary face

Following on from the above point, one would assume Captain Kirk was a bit of a handsome divil. Yet the creators of the film series Halloween thought Kirk’s visage was perfect as the poster boy for pure evil, deciding that homicidal undead demon Michael Myers would be at his scariest if he wore a Captain Kirk mask. Famously, because of its shoestring budget, John Carpenter’s crew bought the Kirk mask because it was cheap, merely cutting out the eyes and painting it white. So if Kirk was Irish and didn’t have a tan, he’d scare the bejesus out of you.

2. He’s a cheater

Captain Kirk – or then just Kirk – created a name for himself by cheating on his entrance exam, something you or I would have been kicked out of college for. The Kobayashi Maru test is a simulation Starfleet cadets must take, in which they are presented with a no-win scenario: either try rescue a crippled vessel in the neutral zone and risk all out war with the Klingons, or leave the crew to die. The test has no successful,solution, rather it is a test of character to see how takers react to no-win scenarios. Of course, James T Jerk can’t accept this, and instead reprogrammed the computer so he can rescue the vessel. His tutors end up commending him for ‘thinking out side the box’. If this kind of behaviour is encouraged, it’s no wonder all the other alien races in Star Trek hate humans.

1. He’s better at space than Buzz Aldrin

A 2010 survey by the Space Foundation found that James T Kirk was the sixth most inspirational space hero of all time, ahead of Col Buzz Aldrin in ninth. A guy who has actually been to space. And has walked on the moon. And who actually exists. Seriously.


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