Top Five… Axe Scenes

Snow White’s Huntsman has got a shedload and the upcoming Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (yep, that is the name of a film) is a dab hand at wielding one – axes are the new swords, apparently. But these five were swinging hatchets before it became fashionable, as Ross McD illustrates.

5. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring

Good ol Gimli does some proper cleaving on the hordes of Mordor, but his most memorable swing comes during the council of Elrond when, understandably, he fails to understand why everyone is fretting over how to destroy a little ring. ‘Well what are we waiting for?’ he asks before smashing his axe to bits on the evil accessory and falling embarrassingly on his arse. And in front of the elves too. Fail. ‘You have my axe,’ he later tells Frodo. What, the one you just wrote off on a piece of jewellery? Yeah great, thanx.

4. The Shining

Thirty-two years on and it’s still hard not to find this scene uncomfortable to watch. Poor Shelly Duvall looks truly terrified (rumour has it she was, since Stanley Kubrick was such a b****x to work for) and we don’t blame her. A by-now fully descended into madness Jack Nicholson refuses to let a bathroom door hinder him, smashing through it before poking his maniacal face through and uttering the famous – and believe it or not completely ad-libbed – Johnny Carson introduction. Even less believable? Both Kubrick and Duvall were nominated for Golden Razzies that year.

3. The Patriot

Aw man remember when Mel Gibson used to be cool? Mel cheats his way onto this list a little here, seeing as he has a tomahawk, hunting knife, several rifles and his two sons aiming small and missing small. In fairness though, he is up against a whole platoon of boo-hissable English who had just killed his kid and burned his gaff down. Back then, we wondered how he could so convincingly conjure those crazed eyes as he carved his way through redcoats like a ghost with rabies. Nowadays we know there was no acting involved…

2. The Last of the Mohicans

Where do you start? Duncan volunteering to be cooked, Daniel Day-Lewis running and shooting like a boss, Smoking hot Uncas chopping his way to that nasty Magua, Alice choosing a rocky ravine over that nasty Magua, Chingachgook’s Mortal Kombat-style fatality on that nasty Magua – there’s barely a word spoken in these final scenes and nor is it needed. I don’t even know if that thing Chingachgook is swinging could be called an axe, but it certainly did the job. See also: Best Music Ever, Most Tear-Inducing Scene Ever, Best Names Ever (Chingachgook, Uncas, Magua); Hottest Dude Ever (Uncas); and Best Scene Ever.

1. American Psycho

No other film has this many utterly-unsettling-yet-at-the-same-time-utterly-hilarious scenes. Christian Bale (like Mel above) settles into the crazy role with ease. Channelling Jim Carrey’s Riddler, he cheerily dons a raincoat while giving his concise appraisal of Huey Lewis and the News’ back catalogue, and to the tune of It’s Hip To Be Square proceeds to hack his business associate Jared Leto to pieces. Of Course, Jared Leto was asking for it, flaunting his much nicer business card like that.

Click HERE to watch the scene

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3 Responses to “Top Five… Axe Scenes”

  1. For Gimli, I would have to say that my favorite would be a Two Towers extended scene in the aftermath of Helm’s Deep.

    But, agreed on the rest of these, especially #1.

  2. Red Georges Says:

    For Gimli, my favorite “axe” moment would be a scene of the extended edition of Two Towers in the aftermath of Helm’s Deep.

    I agree with the rest of this list though, especially #1

  3. Gimli, of course, his joy in wielding that axe wins.

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