When Johnny Met Timmy… the Depp and Burton movie collaborations

Johnny Depp is back. And this time he’s in a Tim Burton movie. Come on, none of us saw that coming, right? This time it’s the remake of cult TV show (‘cult’, of course, means not one living soul watched it) Dark Shadows, in which Depp plays a mysterious kook. Who would have thought it?! To mark this biennial event, Ross McG puts all the Depp/Burton concoctions into one big mix.

Edward Scissorhands

Character: Edward Scissorhands. It’s in the title
Look: Gaunt. Wild long hair. Big feckin’ scissors for hands
Significant other: Wynona Ryder, after she’d done some Beetlejuicing
Verdict: Johnny be good

Ed Wood

Character: Ed Wood. It’s in the flipping title
Look: Slick hair. Creepy moustache. Not a scissored hand in sight
Significant other: Sarah Jessica Parker. Fresh from witching it up in Hocus Pocus
Verdict: Johnny be Wood

Sleepy Hollow

Character: Ichabod Crane. For once, it’s not in the title
Look: Gaunt. Long, wild hair. Edgy
Significant other: Addams Family member Christina Ricci
Verdict: Hollow man

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Character: Willy Wonka. If Depp were Gene Wilder, it’d be in the title
Look: Purple suit. Scary grin. Jackoesque
Significant other: Well, Helena Bonham Carter is in it. Can’t see Johnny doing too many other films with her, though
Verdict: To quote Jacko… Bad

Corpse Bride

Character: Victor Van Dort. No film would be named after this guy
Look: Animated. No, as in, the film is animated. Other than that… gaunt, weird hair, you know the drill
Significant other: Helena Bonham Carter. Well, her voice, anyway
Verdict: Cartoonish

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Character: Ahhh smeg, he’s back in the title again
Look: Gaunt. Wild long hair. Scissors in his hands, if not his actual hands
Significant other: Helena Bonham Carter. Bear in mind these are all totally different films
Verdict: Choppy

Alice in Wonderland

Character: The Mad Hatter. May as well have called it ‘Mad Hatter in Wonderland’, mind
Look: Gaunt. Ginger. Big stupid grin on his face
Significant other: ‘I know, let’s get Helena Bonham Carter!’
Verdict: Completely hatty

Dark Shadows

Character: Barnabas Collins. No chance of getting in the title
Look: Gaunt. Cropped hair. Long fingernails. He’s a vampire, to be fair
Significant other: Helena Bonh- oh, no: it’s Eva Green. And Michelle Pfeiffer. HBC is in the thing though
Verdict: It sucks

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4 Responses to “When Johnny Met Timmy… the Depp and Burton movie collaborations”

  1. markuswelby1 Says:

    entertaining breakdown guys! well played! Johnny and Tim together again? Shocking!

  2. moviewriting Says:

    Nice look at the history of the Burton/Depp relationship. It really saddens me that things just seem to be getting worse and worse between them. Perhaps it’s time they get some space, maybe see other people

  3. Reblogged this on I write my own story. and commented:
    watched dark shadows a few weeks back. i wouldn’t watch it if johnny depp’s not in it. without him, the movie is boring

  4. cheers for reblog Bella, much appreciated!
    didnt even know you could do such things!

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