RvReview: Sex and the City 2

 

Man, you thought Hostel, Antichrist and Deep Throat were offensive? Brace yourself….               

Hmmm… this is a tricky one to review. If you are a Sex and the City fan, you are going to go and see this, you’ll enjoy it, and you might even give it a ten. If you are not a Sex and the City fan, you are not going to go and see this, as you would not enjoy it, and you would probably give it a pre-emptive zero.                     

I like Sex and the City. I wouldn’t come in from playing on the street to watch it, but of the programmes I watch because my GF watches them, it is by far my favourite. It is a very cleverly written and funny show and well acted, plus it builds me brownie points for when there’s football on and what not. To get properly in the mood, I went with five girls to an invite only screening (as one of only three boys I could spot in the entire audience), where we had to obey the dress code of ‘city-chic’.                      

The film starts great. The title sequence is short and sweet, backed by the infectious Empire State of Mind, and the sparkly credits and title genuinely got me excited. The opening scenes reintroducing the characters are equally good and equally swift, and you’re thinking wow, this actually has promise.                      

The action then moves to a surprising and brilliantly OTT wedding, featuring a possibly-best-scene-of-the-film performance by Liza Minnelli. But it is at this wedding the four friends first interact, and you sense something is amiss; the dialogue seems forced, the comic timing is off, and you wonder if you are seeing the evidence of rifts we heard so many rumours about.                      

Cyclops revealed his new look for X-men 4

However, it soon settles back into playing out like a feature-length episode, much like the first film. Except there is less of a storyline here than in a regular episode, and it is a not-even-nearly justifiable two-and-a-half hours long.                

And it is beneath this thinly stretched plot you are reminded what an absolute c**t Carrie Bradshaw is. Of all the villains, megalomaniacs and evil geniuses I have seen on film, she is by far the most self-centred, self-absorbed, selfish p***k I have ever come across.                     

She nags hubby Big like a comic strip wife, she complains about her friends when they fret over things going on in their lives but demands they drop everything and rally around her when she has a problem; at one stage she finds out one of the girls is in serious trouble, so she walks outside and starts whinging about her marriage. She really is a f**king bitch.                     

I once watched an interview between Sarah Jessica Parker and Jonathan Ross, in which Ross asked her why Carrie was such a bitch. Parker was stunned – genuinely surprised that someone didn’t like her – and even more bizarrely, offended, because she’d obviously lost the ability to distinguish between the two.                     

SATC2 director Michael Patrick King has obviously signed up to this theory that the sun revolves around Carrie Bradshaw and relegates the other three to single line sub plots, namely Charlotte finds motherhood tough, Miranda doesn’t like her job and Samantha is old. Kristin Davis embarrassingly spends the whole film subjected to iPhone product placement (or anti-product placement, since the phone never works); Cynthia Nixon surprises by getting all the nicest outfits, while Kim Cattrall steals the show by making maximum use of her pitiful storyline and generating some genuine laughs.                       

Matthew feckin Broderick is better in the sack than me?

Sadly, they are too few and far between, and interspersed with tiresome 15-minute sequences of the four ooh-ing and aah-ing at how nice the facilities are at their hotel. Meanwhile the boys barely get a look in, with Harry, Steve, Smith, Stanford and Anthony all given exactly one scene each, while the much heralded return of Aiden gets about two, God forbid he detract any screen time from SJP.                  

Now, are you ready for the really offensive part? Being Irish, I find Irish stereotypes in film quite funny, but in something as modern as this film likes to think it is, it’s like they’re almost trying to offend by playing diddeley-I-diddeley-ee jig music every time Charlotte’s new Oirish nanny appears on screen, spouting the worst bog-munching top-o-the-mornin shillelagh-brandishing Oirish accent you have ever heard. And her name? Erin.                       

But that is nothing compared to what happens when the girls head to the United Arab Emirates. If you thought Matt Stone and Trey Parker offended Muslim sensibilities, sit back and marvel at the girls cranking the patronisation up to 11 and passing their enlightened righteous judgement out on non-American and therefore wrong cultures. But it’s okay! We learn that underneath, those strange Muslims are actually real people after all! Just like Americans! They even wear proper clothes! And read! Yay!     

However, the most offensive thing of all is how the director expects the audience to swallow his neatly packaged cop-out conclusions to this film’s very few strands. Overall, SATC2 is as shallow as a two-inch diving pool and will hurt your head as much.                    

THAT BEING SAID… I must refer back to my opening paragraph and point out that fans of the show will enjoy simply looking at it. The settings are gorgeous and the outfits stunning, which is all many people watch the show for anyway. And so I have to find the average between all those tens and all those zeros…                     

Verdict 5/10           

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19 Responses to “RvReview: Sex and the City 2”

  1. Did I just read that? I’m in the same “watch it with the mrs” category but wild horses couldn’t drag me to this as it just looks like it’s all been done for the sake of having another pop at making money.

    What do you get if you cross the head of a horse with the body of Sarah Jessica Parker?

    Sarah Jessica Parker, and you’re right, Carrie’s the worst, most self-absorbed douche I’ve ever seen on my telly.

    By chance, are you forced to watch Four Weddings, Dating in the Dark and Don’t tell the bride too?

  2. I’ll end up seeing this because I see everything but…. yeah… what can I say. It doesn’t look good. The show, which I’ve caught in syndication from time to time is pretty good. I just thought one film was enough… enough all ready… we get it!
    I do like John Corbett though so it’s good to see him getting work. He’s also great the US of Tara.
    Best part on this review is calling Carrie a bizznatch. It’s funny cuz I never thought about it but you’re totally right. I guess within the focus of the show you don’t really catch because she essentially is the protagonist… but she’s very caddy!
    BTW, you’re soooooo Miranda for saying that, McD! 🙂

  3. I’ve never watch the series. So I kinda wanna see at least a bit of it before catching any of the movies. I can’t see myself liking it really though…its about what?…four rich women living fabulous glamourous lives right? But hey…I enjoy The OC and Gossip Girls…

    The first picture you posted – why would anyone dress like that at the desert. They’re just trying too hard to make the women look fashionable and glamourous in every single frame of the movie it seems. More outlandish and clownish to me.

  4. Tis a shame…I know someone I know is going to drag me to see this eventually…

  5. I too am a fan of the show, I got sucked in by my sister and it’s a good series with excellent acting usually (there’s a reason Cynthia Nixon won two Emmy’s for it) but the first film didn’t do it justice, and it seems neither does this. I still don’t get why it’s being so lambasted though. People need to calm down.

  6. It’s films like this that make me glad I don’t have a girlfriend.

  7. wow McD, you really have it bad against the Jessica-Parker-Brodericks.
    what did they ever do to you?
    and by the way, ive seen some of the clothes you wear – you’re definitely due a bit part in Sex And The City 3

  8. Another review damning this huge waste of money! I’m not sure I agree with the statement about fans of the show liking the film. Okay, I haven’t seen it yet (and probably never will) but from what I’ve read (and having seen the first film) they are betraying the roots of the show. Not only have they taken ‘The City’ out of it, they’ve forgotten what was good about the television series in favour of cheap gags and cheaper storylines.

    Dan
    Top10Films.co.uk

  9. mcarteratthemovies Says:

    Forgive me for asking the obvious question here, but you SAW this? Can I ask WHY? The only men I know who saw it were dragged kicking and screaming (possibly unconscious) into the theater.

    I absolutely disagree that fans of the show will like this film. I hated it! The original film had so much substance and the fashion didn’t get in the way of the relationships. In the sequel there IS no plot to speak of, so Michael Patrick King dresses everyone up in clothes no one wears anywhere (I’m convinced this is true). There’s a fashion show in the DESERT for Christ’s sake! The real issues that made the show and the film so compelling are MIA here, and that’s hugely, hugely disappointing. I also was shocked by the outright disrespect of Muslim culture. It’s like all the women — even Miranda, who claimed to have done her homework about Abu Dhabi — went out of there way to go “nah, nah nah boo boo” to the women wearing burkas. It’s disgusting!

    If I ever see SJP somewhere, I’m going to demand $7 back. Also, I’m going to tell her to accept that she’s short and stop wearing 12-inch heels. She’ll be crippled by the time she’s 50.

  10. I like SATC! plus there were free goodie bags!
    Granted not much I could use, but free is free!
    I agree, most SATC fans I have spoken to think the film is crap (me included), but they still enjoyed watching it. Or rather, they enjoyed looking at it.
    If it wasn’t part of an exsisting and loved franchise, and was just a standalone film, I wager it would be considered one of the worst films of all time.
    ps SJP need not worry about being crippled – she has a spare foot attached to her neck

  11. “ps SJP need not worry about being crippled – she has a spare foot attached to her neck”

    Ouch! This film must really be bad.

  12. That’s nothing to do with the film – she just has a face like a foot

  13. @ M: wouldn’t it be great if SJP “pulled a Clooney” and offered a refund to those unhappy with the film? (Like Clooney supposedly did with Batman & Robin)

    @ Ross McD: I thought is was Robert Pattison who had a face like a foot? I always figured SJP was more like a horse?

  14. “That’s nothing to do with the film – she just has a face like a foot!”

    Haha! Ferris Bueller disagrees! 🙂

  15. I can’t claim that observation, that’s all Peter Griffin

  16. madeleine ebbs Says:

    I,m just ragin the ‘freebie’ t-shirts were made for only size zeros – but i still love ‘big’

  17. It’s hard to get across just how offensive the film is – I always found the series halfway engaging but these characters are almost unrecognisable. Where was the Sex? Where was the City? And how can a mainstream supposed comedy get away with such incredible and damaging ignorance to foreign cultures and traditions.
    And sweet Jesus the puns… ‘Lawrence of my labia’ – is that supposed to be psychologically damaging?

  18. I agree with parts here… I couldn’t believe Carrie’s attitude in this one, shitting all over Big for buying her a tv because he thought they’d shared a romantic night in a hotel watching b&w movies. It was so sweet, and she tells him he effed up, and shoulda bought her jewelry. She’s a character who knows nothing about what’s important in life.

  19. Great review. I genuinly liked the tv series of SATC and the first movie.
    This movie however was like purgatory. Far too much Caweee, (ive seen more weight on a pipe cleaner) i.e. sarah jessica parker so self indulgent, i wanted to gag.
    The only saving grace for me was Kim Cattrall’s/Samantha’s scenes.

    Most def Sex and the Shitty…..

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