Happy Trails Hans: Clash of the Titans

Hans Titans
John Wayne? Rambo? Marshall Dillon? No, it’s super terrorist and exceptional thief Hans Gruber, back on RvR to take a look at the latest trailers.

Sand. Persian looking fellows. That’s Jake Gyllenhaal, I am correct? This must be that awful Prince of Persia rubbish – turn it off, it offends me. That’s surely a Gorgon, stolen from the myth of Perseus? Are there no depths Walt will not sink to? I hear you, Pete Postlethwaite: somebody must say ‘enough’. Hmmm…perhaps this burly chap will? It looks like Sam Worthington from that last Terminator film. Oh the music has just jumped ahead a few millennia. There’s that chap in the cloak pointing at me again.

Ah. Giant scorpions. Dragons. Is that a godly Liam Neeson? This is more like it. This music is very Muse – this is earning points by the second. Scorpions again, this time assisting percussion. That thing’s from Pan’s Labyrinth. The camerawork is very fast – I was under the impression that action films were only permitted to be shot in slow motion?

TITANS. WILL. CLASH. Oh Dear. And it was going so well. STARS WILL WAR. FICTION WILL PULP. LOST ARKS WILL BE RAIDED. SUSPECTS WILL BE USUAL. PRIVATE RYAN WILL BE SAVED. COUPLES WILL RETREAT.

Actually, it’s genius, it works with anything.

VERDICT: Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.five stars

CLICK HERE FOR THE HAPPY TRAILS HANS ARCHIVE

home button1

Bookmark and Share

Advertisements

3 Responses to “Happy Trails Hans: Clash of the Titans”

  1. if only Scorpions did provide percussion for the movie – would be way better than Muse: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taVW8Kv2HcQ

  2. General Griervous Says:

    That’s just inaccurate, there was only one Titan in that movie. You need more than one to have a clash of them!

  3. Winds of Change – top ten songs with ‘Moskva’ in the opening line.
    That’s a very good point General – I always thought Perseus was doing a bit a narcissus and refering to himself as the ‘titan’ clashing with the Kraken.
    Truth is the Kraken wasn’t even a Titan! There are no titans in this film!
    Well there were none in the original film, there might be in this remake.
    Man I’m gonna miss Harryhousen’s stop motion monsters – PWN anything computers can generate!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: