Star Wars characters who won’t get their own spin-off but should: Ponda Baba

pondababa

Disney has confirmed that the spin-offs from its planned Star Wars trilogy will be ‘origin’ stories. You know, like Batman Begins, but with lightsabers. A host of the series key characters are being lined up to get their own spin-off movie, with the likes of Yoda, Han Solo and Boba Fett topping the bill. But what about those unsung Star Wars heroes, the guys who appear one moment in the first six movies and are Bantha fodder the next?

Wouldn’t you like to see one of those guys get their own spin-off? We know we would. In the first of a six-part series (one for each previous movie episode), we pick the less heralded characters who deserve the full feature treatment. Let’s start with Episode IV…

Who’s this guy then who deserves his own Star Wars spin-off?

His name is Ponda Baba.

What is that, like a make of car or something?

No, it’s the name of one of Star Wars’ greatest characters.

Really? Why haven’t I heard of him then? Who in the name of Bespin is he?

He’s the guy from the Mos Eisley Cantina.

What is he doing in that wretched hive of scum and villainy?

Minding his own business. Just having a drink with a friend.

Is he the little green guy who Han Solo guns down in cold blood?

No, that’s Greedo.

Oh. Is he the leader of the Cantina Band? I love that one song they do.

No, that’s Figrin D’an. Have you actually watched Star Wars?

I can’t place him. What does he do?

When he isn’t quietly enjoying a drink, he enjoys spice smuggling. He’s a pirate, an Aqualish pirate, to be precise. He’s from the planet Ando.

But Lando’s not a system – he’s a man…

Ando, not Lando, you nerf herder.

Whatever. So why does this Panda Babar deserve his own spin-off, then?

Because he’s interesting. He’s amphibious. And he’s also one of the first characters to give Luke Skywalker jip. Which is why he gets into trouble in the first place.

Oh, how’s that?

Poor Ponda picked the fight with the wrong Jedi apprentice. After growling his dislike for young Skywalker at the bar, old man Ben Kenobi chops his arm off with a lightsaber. Bit over the top if you ask me – Obi-Wan has obviously not spent a Saturday night out in Cardiff.

Okay then, I’ll play along – what would be in this Ponda origin story?

Ponda is rarely seen without his trusty smuggling sidekick, Dr Cornelius Evazan, also known as Doctor Death. The pair have a friction-filled relationship at best – the Ponda Baba movie could see them get up to all sorts of hijinks across the galaxy. Like Han and Chewie, but with more violence.

What is the likelihood of this movie being made?

About as likely as Ponda Baba actually being a nice guy whose comments to Luke Skywalker were lost in translation…

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