Top five… Final Destination deaths

The commissioning of a fifth Final Destination film tells us two things: 1) the producers of THE Final Destination lied to us, and 2) the formula works. Everyone is well aware the films are shit, but they pack some awesome death scenes. Ross McD lists the top five…


5. Tim Carpenter (James Kirk, Final Destination 2) – Pane in the neck
Director David Ellis plays a wonderful trick hon the audience here, sending poor doomed James Kirk on his final frontier into that most feared of arenas: the dentist’s surgery. But he somehow manages to survive some pretty poor health aand safety standards, only to walk outside and get flattened by a falling pane of glass. That’ll learn him for hassling those pigeons. This death makes the list because everyone immediately imagined what the newly 2D teen would look like underneath that heavy glass.

 

4. Billy Hitchcock (Sean William Scott, Final Destination) – Catching the train
Sadly this one’s a bit telegraphed, but no less fun because of it. The guys pull one of their suicidal friends from a car parked in front of an oncoming train; the driver survives, the car does not. What it does do is leave a metal shard on the tracks, which subsequent camera close-ups inform us that it is destined for greater things. Thankfully we only have to bear a few more seconds Sean William Scott’s whiny face as he positions himself stupidly beside the passing train that almost killed his friend not moments ago. The lump of shrapnel starts to flap, and jjust as the audience is telepathically willing it to happen SNAP! Stifler is half a head lighter.

 

3. Ashlyn Halperin/Ashley Freund (Crystal Lowe/Chelan Simmons, Final Destination 3) – Dying for a tan
This one’s unsettling because you imagine it probably could happen. It’s also unsettling bevcause it’s pretty much what sunbeds actually do to your skin, albeit a bit accellerated in this case. The girls get trapped in a couple of tanning booths and are summarily cooked to death. Lowe and Simmons put on pretty convincing and innerving performances as they try to pry the scalding capsules apart with increasing panic, as their skin starts to blister then burn away. Is it a coincidence both girls are called ‘Ash’? probably not. Makes you feel sorry for the next sandwhich you stick in the sandwhich toaster.

 

2. Officer Thomas Burke (Michael Landes, Final Destination 2) – Tree-felled
Car hits log – not exactly the sexiest demise in a franchise famous for its elaborate death scenes. But like all great scenes, this one’s all about the timing. This is the only death on the list that doesn’t actually happen; it’s merely the premonition of a spectacular motoring pile-up, the prevention of which sets up fate’s scheduled executions. But what a car crash. A Lorry carrying telegraph poles swerves, drops its payload, and we discover what happens when an immovable log meets an unstoppable police car. The log bounces with the delightful resonance only wood on concrete can, leaping up to windshield height and hanging there just long enough for Officer Tom to plough through, obliterating his corporeal shell in a beautiful ballet of motion, inertia and physics. Sumptious.

 

1. Kat Jennings (Keegan Connor Tracy, Final Destination 2) – Driver-died airbag
At this stage of the second film we are very familiar with the formula: periluous scenario unfolds, and a protagonist is either A) nearly killed, or B) killed. But this one’s a bolt from the blue. After suffering a blow-out, Kat finds her SUV careening through fences and fields before smashing into a pile of pipes. She survives; but like her we barely have enough time to marvel at the near-miss from the spear-like pole produding two foot through the head-rest when BOOM! the airbag deploys, forcing said pole throough her skull, and forcing the popcorn back up our throats. And it was the fireman’s jaws of life that set it off! Ah, these subtle ironies…

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4 Responses to “Top five… Final Destination deaths”

  1. the girl who gets hit by a bus gets me every time.

  2. Ahaha I love those Final Destination deaths!!! The big car crash at the beginning of the second movie is definitely the best of them all IMO. I also like the one where some jerk loses something down the drain then gets his hand stuck in there trying to recover it while his house starts to go on fire.

  3. I get mixed up with which deaths are in which movies now – is it old age or because the film’s are so similar? I can’t argue with number 1 though, good choice.

  4. i dont agree, i think that the gymnastic death should be first, the one thats in the new one 🙂

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