Top Five… terrible nightclubs

Collateral borderHave you ever been to a nightclub where the volume was at just the right level so you could hear everything the person next to you was saying? Didn’t think so. Here are five places you don’t want to go boogying on a Saturday night.

5. The Tool Box

Awful name. Awful club. Let’s look at the evidence: it’s open during the day and its DJ is a menace. You would never find Pete Tong playing Stereo MCs and the YMCA. Go to 2m00 and check your taste for music at the door.

4. 2001 Odyssey

Another shocking moniker, this venue also loses marks for having no one on the headache-inducing lit-up dancefloor. Except some guy who’s hogging it all to himself. If you did this at a school disco you’d get beaten up. Great song, though.

3. The Slaughter House

Not its real name, but it happens to be in one. Rule number one of clubbing: keep your hand over your drink. Rule number two: stay the feck away from goddam s**t-sucking vampires. Go to 1m20 and ask the bouncer to let you in.

2. Rick’s Café Américain

You know the drill. You go into a nice place for a quiet drink and some gambling, and what happens? The Germans and the French start singing at each other. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, they had to make a racket in this one.

1. Fever

This place has some cool screens and a nice water fountain. Pity about all the guys shooting at each other. Mind you, if you keep your head down and wait a while, chances are you will have a good chance of getting to the bar.

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5 Responses to “Top Five… terrible nightclubs”

  1. No Blue Oyster?

    You guys disappoint me.

  2. Jesus I don’t remember Blade being so shit. I loved that film.

  3. Wow…I had completely forgotten about the Blue Oyster. Is that just about the only funny bit from the “Police Academy” flicks?

  4. General Griervous Says:

    What the feck are you guys talking about, the tool box looks like the most awesome club ever, You guys are old man, OLD and LAME!

  5. The Titty Twister from From Dusk Till Dawn has got to be number 1 hands down.

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