Archive for Movies

The best orgasm scenes in movies

Posted in TOP FIVES with tags , , on July 31, 2014 by Ross McG

whenharry

Today is National Orgasm Day. Of course it is. It’s right up there with St Patrick’s Day and No Pants Day as one of the worst holidays ever.

What’s that? It isn’t a holiday? We don’t get the day off? Screw that. Uh… precisely.

Some people think cinema was invented (by Steven Spielberg or James Cameron – I always forget which one it was) to show us the beauty and sadness of life, to take us to new worlds, to fire our imagination. Rubbish.

Movies came, ahem, along to do one thing: depict lots of actors and actresses showing us their O face.

In honour of National Orgasm Day then, here are the best and worst orgasm scenes in cinema.

THE WORST:

Okay, let’s start with the drivel before we get on to the good, uh, stuff. And with most lists of terrible things, it begins with The Ugly Truth. Take it away Katherine Heigl… and take away my ability to forget about this awful, awful movie.

Don’t worry, we’re only going to subject you to one more bad orgasm scene. Amy Adams is a terrific actress. But she has one major blot in her copybook: Cruel Intentions 2: Cruels Control. Okay, so I made the ‘Cruels Control’ bit up, but it’s still terrible. And it has a terrible orgasm scene, in which Adams teaches her protégé the correct way to ride (sorry!) a horse.

 

AND NOW THE BEST ORGASM SCENES:

10. American Pie (1999)

The original has been so undermined by its 200 terrible sequels and spin-offs that it’s easy to forget just how good – and sweetly innocent – the first American Pie movie is – like The Inbetweeners for US yoofs before The Inbetweeners existed. Its signature scene shows just how good an actor Jason Biggs is – he only ever needs two takes.

 

9. Barbarella (1968)

Jane Fonda proves that machine is no match for woman in this quite literally steamy scene from the 60s sci-fi classic.

 

8. Bruce Almighty (2003)

If you woke up one day and realised you were God, wouldn’t you give your girlfriend an orgasm through a wall just by moving your hands? Seems only polite. Jennifer Aniston obviously took some notes from her former flatmate Courtney Cox when it comes (sorry! Again!) to carnal pleasures. Ugh.. I used the word ‘carnal’ – gross.

 

7. There’s Something About Mary (1998)

Yes there is, and there’s something hanging from Ben Stiller’s ear that he’s not aware of. As if women actually use hair gel…

 

6. Private Parts (1997)

The movie of shock jock Howard Stern’s life isn’t really that shocking, but it does contain a pretty memorable on-air-radio/at-home-with-vibrating-speaker orgasm scene. Couldn’t do that these days with Spotify.

 

5. Pleasantville (1998)

You probably know Joan Allen best for chasing Jason Bourne, but here she makes a splash in more ways than one during a bath in Gary Ross’s underrated comedy drama. This orgasm is so good it turns black-and-white into colour, a feat previously achieved only by The Wizard of Oz. No magic wand jokes!

 

4. Amélie (2001)

Audrey Tautou pervs over Paris. ‘Quinze!’ Brilliant.

 

3. A Fish Called Wanda (1988)

If only more Oscars were handed out for performances in comedies. Kevin Kline is brilliant as crazy Otto in A Fish Called Wanda, even when he’s having sex. Don’t call him Stupid.

 

2. Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997)

Not a real orgasm, but a great one, as Romy (Mira Sorvino) does some amateur acting to procure a car. ‘Oh Rrrrrrramone… You are Columbus and I am America – discover me!’ Talking dirty has never sounded so funny.

 

1. When Harry Met Sally (1989)

YES! YES! YES! More orgasm fakery now, and who other than Meg Ryan could top this list? Sally Albright is the one person you don’t want to be sat near in a restaurant… or maybe you do? We’ll have what she’s having.

It’s Boss time… The best of Bruce Springsteen in the movies

Posted in TOP FIVES with tags , on January 13, 2014 by Ross McG

brucespringsteenhighfidelity

Bruce Springsteen albums are a bit like birthdays – if you wait around long enough, one will come along. Unlike most birthdays, however, Bruce Springsteen albums are usually pretty brilliant. This month he releases High Hopes, a collection of covers – of his own previous work and other artists’ songs – and unreleased material. Continue reading

The 27 movies Ross McG watched over Christmas

Posted in TOP FIVES with tags , on January 2, 2014 by Ross McG

bad-lieutenant-2

It’s a Christmas tradition, isn’t it, sitting around, stuffing yourself with choccies and watching great, good, bad and terrible films? Listing the movies we watched over Christmas is something of a new year’s tradition at Ross v Ross, and you can check out my lists for Christmas 2012, Christmas 2010 and Christmas 2009 by clicking the links. Continue reading

Poetry in Motion Pictures: Pacific Rim

Posted in Poetry in Motion Pictures with tags , on November 19, 2013 by rossvross

PacificRim

We’ve got a special Poetry in Motion Pictures post for you today – it’s not by one of us useless Rosses, but rather by RVR reader Natalie Gontar from Viewster.com, who felt inspired to pen us her own poem on Pacific Rim. Take it away, Natalie… Continue reading

Four simple rules for how to behave at the cinema

Posted in COMMENT with tags on November 4, 2013 by Ross McG

Judi Dence and Steve Coogan in Philomena

Did you go to the cinema at the weekend? I did. I went to see Philomena, starring Judi Dench and Steve Googan, which was enjoyable if not spectacular, and made me genuinely ponder if its director, Stephen Frears (My Beautiful Laundrette, Dangerous Liaisons, High Fidelity, Dirty Pretty Things), has ever made a bad film. Continue reading

The worst Stephen King adaptations

Posted in TOP FIVES with tags , on October 2, 2013 by Ross McG

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There have been some fantastic movies based on Stephen King’s writings, as evidenced in our list here, but there have also been a few absolute duds. Here are the worst, all terrifying in the wrong kind of way. Continue reading

The best Stephen King movie adaptations

Posted in TOP FIVES with tags , on October 1, 2013 by Ross McG

SalemsLot

The master of horror writing, Stephen King, has just released a new novel, Doctor Sleep, a sequel to The Shining. But where does the film adaptation of The Shining, directed by Stanley Kubrick, figure on the list of the best big screen reworkings of King’s oeuvre? Peek out from behind that cushion you’re hiding your face with to find out… Continue reading

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