To mark the release later this week of thriller Man On A Ledge with Sam Worthington, Ross McG from www.rossvross.com weaves his way through the greatest ‘Man’ films.

5. Man On Wire (2008)

The original premise of this list was to make it The Top Five ‘Man On…’ Films. In that list we would have had, you know, such great ‘Man On…’ films as Man On Wire. Or maybe even Man On The Moon. And, uh, Man On Fire. We were even going to throw in Manon des Sources – the only film in the history of French cinema not to have Gerard Depardieu (and only because his character died in the first movie) – to prove how bloody pretentious and clever we are. Truth be told, however, that rundown would have been even worse than the one you’re reading. I mean, who has a top five that features the worst Tony Scott/Denzel Washington collaboration? The one without a train. Anyway, Man On Wire is a ‘Man On…’ movie. The only good one. So it makes its way on to our list.

4. I Love You, Man (2009)

Somewhere there is an alternative universe in which I Love You, Man is rightly feted as the best comedy of its decade. It has Paul Rudd being very funny. Does cinema really need anything more than that? He slaps his bass. He does a dodgy Jamaican accent that makes him sound Irish. He makes us laugh. And to think we didn’t laugh once at him in any of his episodes of Friends. Must be the Phoebe factor. They really should release a box set: The Ones Where We’ve Cut Phoebe Out. I’d buy that.

3. Rain Man (1988)

Depending on your disposition, Princess Diana’s favourite film is either a steaming big goo pile of syrupy slop or tearjerking heaven. Hoffman. Cruise. The girl with the curly hair from Hot Shots. No, not Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. She was Maid Marian. Valeria Golino, that’s right. Who was also in French cop flick, ‘36’. With Gerard Depardieu. See, it always comes back to Gerard Depardieu. Rain Man shouldn’t really be called Rain Man at all. According to the film itself it should be called ‘Raymond’. But seriously, that’s a shit title for a film. And wouldn’t fill a hole in our list.

2. Demolition Man (1993)

Stallone’s best movie is Cliffhanger – seriously, forget Rocky and Rambo – but it doesn’t have the word ‘man’ in it. Snipes’ best film is undoubtedly Passenger 57, which potentially could have the word ‘man’ in it, although ‘Passenger Man 57’ doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. And alienates your female audience. Luckily, these two action heroes found time to work together on a film the likes of which the world has never seen. A film in which Stallone and Sandra Bullock have sex together with their minds. But most importantly, it was a film with a ‘man’ in its title.

Ah, what the heck, why not?

1. The Man With Two Brains (1983)

People slag off Steve Martin for not being as funny as he used to be. Which is a bit like criticising Bobby Charlton for not making the England squad any more. Genius doesn’t last forever, and comedy genius is no different. And let’s be frank, The Man With Two Brains is undoubted comedy genius. Absolute poetry…

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE ‘MAN’ MOVIES?

Giddee up for an equine movie top five from Ross McG. With Steven Spielberg’s War Horse currently galloping through cinemas, we take a look at some other four-legged big screen wonders. No animals were harmed during the writing of this feature…

5. The horse from True Lies (1994)

Horses get a raw deal when it comes to cinema. They may be beautiful, majestic creatures, but I’ve always felt horses have been a bit lacking in the brains department. How else could you explain them letting a never-ending parade of actors ride them into certain doom in various seen-it-all-before battle sequences? But what horse wouldn’t want to have Arnold Schwarzenegger in its saddle? If you said you planned an action scene involving Arnold, Art Malik, a motorbike and a horse now you would be laughed out of the studio boardroom, but back in the innocent mid-90s this meant box office gold. This horse takes Arnie into a hotel and up an elevator. Not that surprising really, as this is a movie in which Tom Arnold avoids a hail of machine gun bullet fire by hiding behind a lamppost.

4. Bullseye from Toy Story 2 (1999) and Toy Story 3 (2010)

Every cowboy needs a horse. The Lone Ranger had Silver, Roy Rogers had Trigger and Sheriff Woody has Bullesye. Giving Woody a backstory in the second instalment of Pixar’s glorious trilogy was a genius move, allowing us to meet the Round-Up gang. Yes, peppy cowgirl Jessie is the obvious scene-stealer, thanks mainly to her singing that song that makes grown men blubber like big babies (not like the scary Big Baby in TS3, mind), but the relationship between man and his horse has the real depth. When Woody behaves like a jerk – and he does, a lot (he has attempted murder of space men on his rap sheet) – Bullseye is always there to either give him a doleful look or ride to the rescue.

3. The horse from the ferry in The Ring (2002)

And now for something completely different. The scariest horse in cinema. We have established that horses have been treated badly in the movies: I’m not sure what was worse for the horse from Far And Away – being the horse that gets punched by tiny Tom Cruise or being the horse from Far And Away. At least the horse from Blazing Saddles who was punched by Mongo got to do some great stunt acting. Spare a thought then for the poor horse from The Ring, a decent if inferior remake to Japanese horror Ringu except in one vital way: Ringu didn’t have a horse hurtling itself off a ferry. They shoot horses, don’t they? Nope. They fling them off ferries.

2. Tír na nÓg from Into The West (1992)

Seabiscuit? Bite me. Black Beauty? Ugly compared to Tír na nÓg, the horse at the heart of this brilliant early 90s Irish film. It has Gabriel Byrne. It has Colm Meaney. It has Brendan Gleeson. There is an established mathematical equation that says if you have one of these actors in your film it will be good. If you have two of them it will be exceptional. If you have all three it will be amazing. If you have all three and a horse… you have one of the greatest films ever made. Great hoss.

1. Cheval from A Town Called Panic (2009)

And now we come to The Horse De La Résistance. Red Rum was good at winning horse races, but could he play the piano? Or drive a car? Those things are all in a day’s activities for Cheval, or Horse, from the utterly fantastic and indescribable A Town Called Panic, the best animated film you haven’t seen. In a neat twist in this French/Belgian/Luxembourgois production, Horse is actually the leader of a cute gang of toys that also includes Cowboy and Indian. The plot is ludicrous, but suffice to say there are 50 million bricks, a journey to the centre of the earth, alien underwater creatures who steal walls, a huge snowball-throwing robot and a giant piece of toast. And throughout it all, our hero Horse keeps a cool head. Neigh bother.

When one has an insatiable sexual appetite, it helps when you look like Michael Fassbender. With Shame hitting cinemas, Ross McD takes a look (strictly for research purposes of course) at the top five films to break sexual taboos.

5. Last Tango in Paris (1972)

'Everything, butter face,' thought Superman's da

Marlon Brando was the first major Hollywood star to play the lead in an x-rated film – who else, as the legend goes, would have requested his lines be written on co-star Maria Schneider’s rear? Many people felt the health benefits of switching from butter to margarine that year.

4. Brokeback Mountain (2005)

The Celtic and Rangers players finally decided to put their petty differences aside

But…. Heath Ledger’s a guy! And so is Jake Gyllenhaal! *gasps*! That it took until 2005 for a mainstream film to feature a love story between two guys is perhaps more shocking than anything on this list. Ledger wasn’t too fond of the in-laws though – he blows up Gyllenhaal’s sister in The Dark Knight.

3. A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Sorry mate, but you look a right penis holding that

Stanley Kubrick’s adaptation of Anthony Burgess’ novel shocked many upon its release, probably no one more than Gene Kelly, who could never have imagined his tap-dancing ditty Singin’ In The Rain would be used as a soundtrack to rape. Malcom McDowell also achieves a first in sex crime by beating somebody to death with a giant penis sculpture.

2. 9 Songs (2004)

ET: The Extra dirty version

A film about a couple, nine songs they listen to and all the sex they have inbetween. Caused a huge stir on its release as all the sex scenes between both lead actors were real, as well as being the first mainstream film to show male ejaculation.

1. Crash (1996)

Racism is bad. Ludacris stole my car. Oh, wrong Crash

Not to be confused with the 2004 Oscar winner (especially if you settling on the sofa with your mum to watch a film). Depicts a group of people who are sexually aroused by car crashes, and features among its many notable scenes the improvised use of a gaping car crash wound as… well, you know.

Warning: Brendan Gleeson likes to swear

5. ‘Tonight, I’ll drink to your bones!’ – Troy

If there was one actor you could pick to beat the crap out of Orlando Bloom it would be Gleeson. This clip gets extra points because Brian Cox is in it.

4. ‘Technically, it’s a ferret’ – Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire

A lot of the adult performers in the Harry Potter movies just go through the motions, but not The Gleester. He was a teacher before he became an actor and it shows here, as he makes a lesson out of Malfoy by turning him into an animal. If only all teachers were this fun.

3. ‘What if he knew karate, say?’ – In Bruges

Gleeson’s hitman Ken is a wonderful creation – a scary killer made human by a great performance. It’s also an unselfish one: watch how he allows Colin Farrell to shine here:

Gleeson’s great In Bruges clip

2. ‘This is showbiz, kid’ – Breakfast On Pluto

Neil Jordan’s film is a hit-and-miss affair, but it gives the world the chance to see Gleeson dressed up as Uncle Bulgaria from The Wombles. Priceless.

1. ‘You tubby little no-dick lying little ****er!’ – I Went Down

This is just pure joy. Gleeson is fantastic as a hardman in Paddy Breathnach’s hidden gem of an Irish road movie. Certainly the coolest character called Bunny ever. Yes, even cooler than Bugs.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE GLEESON MOMENTS?

The poor Greeks are currently facing beasts of unimaginable horror; the dreaded Troika, the Phantom Referendum, the undead Prime Minister, the twin-head-shaking abomination SarkozyMerkel. Luckily they have had plenty of practice facing down some pretty formidable monsters in the past. With the release of Immortals this weekend, Ross McD takes on the best of them.

5. The Minotaur

Try telling this guy the Narnia movies were a load of bull

The half man-half bull came to be just how you’d imagine – his mom had sex with a bull. Her husband king Monos was none to pleased, so locked the boisterous bull-child in a labyrinth on Crete. Although there was originally just one – the one you’ll see Theseus face -off against in Immortals this weekend – ‘Minotaur’ has since become an entire race in popular culture. They’re usually baddies.

Best in Show: Otmin, Queen Jadis’ General in The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe

4. Talos

A giant bronze man who guarded the island of Crete. Stop-motion supremo Ray Harryhausen created some superb monsters in his time, but nothing came close to this kilometre-high killing machine. When Jason and his Argonauts arrive on the island, they make that oh-so-oft-made error of touching treasure that’s just ‘lying around, unguarded’. Why don’t people ever ask themselves why the treasure is just lying around, unguarded? The moment the idyllic silence is broken by the sound of twisting metal as the eyeless sentry turns to look at them is among cinemas scariest scenes.

Best in Show: Jason and the Argonauts

3. Cerberus

The three-headed giant guard dog of hell. Hades had his faithful companion sit at the gates of the Underworld making sure no souls escaped, and no election campaigners got it (if they weren’t in there already. One wonders how effective a guard dog a three-headed canine can be – only one tail to chase, only one set of genitals to lick – surely there must have been arguments? Many terrifying depictions of the beast have appeared in popular culture, but the nod has to go to his much cuter descendant

Best in Show: Fluffy, Hogwarts guardian in Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone

2. The Kraken

Although not officially of Greek myth descent, the sea monster has made appearances alongside ancient Greek heroes, most notably in 1981 classic Clash Of The Titans, and its not-so-legendary remake in 2010. It has taken many forms – in the former an ugly four-armed fish man, the latter an ugly dinosaur/octopus – indeed one of its most scary forms is the rollercoaster in Universal Studios in Florida. Many believe the Kraken’s origins come from actual sightings of giant squids, the form it took on in Pirates of the Caribbean, where after (spoiler) swallowing Johnny Depp at the end, had the perfect opportunity to prevent At World’s End and On Stranger Tides from getting made. But it couldn’t keep him down, unfortunately.

Best in Show: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

1. Medusa

Lady Gaga had jumped the shark

The snake-haired, serpent-tailed gorgon. Medusa was actually one of three sisters; I’m not quite sure why Euryale and Stheno aren’t quite as famous as their sibling, but they might not have begrudged her the bit of attention, since they were immortal while she was not. A mean shot with a bow-and-arrow, Medusa could turn any living thing to stone just by looking at it – rendering her arrows a bit moot after taking aim. Perseus only managed to slay her using a mirror to see where she was – although the shock of seeing that nasty face might have killed her anyway.

Best in Show: Clash of the Titans

WATCH MEDUSA IN ACTION IN BOTH CLASH MOVIES HERE

Believe it or not, the good folks over at The Guardian have very kindly let us contribute to their excellent Clip Joint series, in which a different writer picks a topic to base a collection of movie scenes around. Ross McG has gone for car parks and you can read his favourites – and get into the conversation by offering up your own – by clicking the picture above or HERE

It’s Halloween this week, so to get you in the mood, Ross McG takes a look at his favourite spine-tingling singalong moments.

There are songs that scare you (Michael Jackson’s Thriller, Shakespeare’s Sister’s Stay) and then there are songs that are just plain scary (anything by Razorlight, really). I’ve always thought that the best pieces of music to send chills down your spine also had a sense of fun. Which means pant-wettingly brilliant pieces of music such as John Carpenter’s theme for his slasher classic Halloween don’t make this list, despite their obvious place in movie history. Instead I’ve gone for a bunch of songs, some of which have nothing to do with Halloween at all, that are spooky but kooky.

5. Feed My Frankenstein by Alice Cooper (Wayne’s World)

It isn’t really Halloween without everyone’s favourite born-again Christian, golf ball hitting, boa constrictor fondling rock hero. There are a lot of things you can accuse Alice Cooper of, but subtlety isn’t one of them. Thankfully, that’s just the way we like him. Cooper has always had something of the cinematic about him and his songs work well in a number of movies. It was his No More Mr Nice Guy that soundtracked a young Ben Affleck beating some teenager’s ass with a cricket bat in Dazed And Confused (don’t worry, it’s not as seedy as it sounds), for example. But when you want an Alice anthem with a bit of a monster feel, look no further than Feed My Frankenstein from quite simply the best movie ever made, Wayne’s World. In a film packed with great cameos, Cooper steals the show, and his sleazy ode to Mary Shelley’s finest is one of the movie’s best bits.

Scream-inducing song lyric:

‘Well, I ain’t evil, I’m just good lookin’
Start a little fire, and baby start cookin’
I’m a hungry man
But I don’t want pizza
I’ll blow down your house
And then I’m gonna eat ya!’

4. Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr (Ghostbusters)

When Ghostbusters was first released, my family and I queued with hundreds of other people (this was in the days before you could be ripped off by online booking fees) around the outside of a cinema in the freezing cold to see it. We didn’t even get near getting in. This experience remains, alongside having my Game Boy stolen, one of the most disappointing days of my life. Yes, eventually we went to see it a few weeks later and the film was great, but I couldn’t help wondering if it hadn’t been better in the screening I had missed. This was back when I probably thought each showing of a film was like a live performance – think I was expecting Bill Murray himself to zap Zuul on stage. Anyway, to get me through the days before I saw Ghostbusters, I had to make do with Ray Parker Jr’s cracking theme song, complete with its video featuring John Candy, Chevy Chase, Danny DeVito and, uh, Carly Simon, even though I didn’t have a clue at the time who any of them were. Looking back, the fact the song is an alleged rip-off of Huey Lewis and The News track I Want A New Drug just makes it all the more enjoyable now. That’s how cool Huey Lewis was.

Scream-inducing song lyric:

‘Who you gonna call? – Ghostbusters!
If you’re all alone
pick up the phone
and call – Ghostbusters!’

3. This Is Halloween by Danny Elfman (The Nightmare Before Christmas)

This song is so scary it was covered by Marilyn Manson. Okay, so was Soft Cell’s Tainted Love, but Tainted Love can be scary too – an acquaintance of mine was once beaten up in a nightclub while it was playing. If you’re lucky enough to be in a nightclub this Halloween weekend that plays anything from Danny Elfman’s terrifically terrifying soundtrack, feel free to do the Monster Mash. This Is Halloween is the perfect opening to Henry Selick’s (NOT Tim Burton’s) The Nightmare Before Christmas, introducing us to all the main ghouls and the world they inhabit.

Scream-inducing song lyric:

‘I am the one hiding under your bed
Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red
I am the one hiding under your stairs
Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair’

2. Dracula’s Lament by Jason Segel (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)

Say what you like about Judd Apatow, and Ross McD has, but the guy has had his moments. Although only a producer on Forgetting Sarah Marshall, you have to give him some credit for creating an atmosphere in which others felt the freedom to insert a long-running gag about Transylvania’s finest being the subject of a musical involving puppets. FSM is a little gem of a movie but its standout moments involve put-upon Peter (Jason Segel) showing the world his strange lyrical fascination with good ole Dracula.

Scream-inducing song lyric:

‘And if I see Van Helsing, I swear
to the Lord I will slay him!
A-ha-ha-haa! Take it from me
I swear I will let it be so! A-ha-ha-haa!!
Blood will run down his face
when he is decapitated…aah!
his head on my mantle is how
I will let this world know:
How much I love you–
die…die…die!
(Pause)
I can’t.’

1. I Put A Spell On You by Better Midler (Hocus Pocus)

They don’t hand out honorary Oscars for works such as Hocus Pocus but they really should. As the only film to be good yet still feature Sarah Jessica Parker it deserves a place in the cinematic pantheon. And before you start, Footloose doesn’t count cos it’s a flippin’ mess, the only highlight being Nice Guy Eddie’s attempts to learn how to dance. Frankly I couldn’t see any problem with the recent MTV remake – why not have two shit films called Footloose? But to be fair to SJP (okay, I’ll also give you Honeymoon In Vegas. And LA Story. Damn you, Parker. You see, you can act when you try!), she is great in Hocus Pocus. Alongside Bette Midler as Winnie the Witch and Kathy Najimy, she makes up the scariest siblings since The Shining twins. Hocus Pocus really weaves its magic when the cackling trio dive into a stirring version of Screamin’ Jay Hawkins’ I Put A Spell On You, a song covered down the years by Shane MacGowan, Joe Cocker, Eels and Roxy Music. Yet no one belts it out better than Bette.

Scream-inducing song lyric:

‘It’s been three hundred years
Right down to the day
Now the witch is back
And there’s hell to pay!’

WHAT HALLOWEEN SONGS IN MOVIES SCARE YOU?

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READ THE ROSS V ROSS ENTRY ON TODAY’S GUARDIAN FILM CLIP JOINT BY CLICKING HERE

Kids can be cruel… and they can be downright scary too. As Halloween draws ever closer, Ross McD plays with the progeny props that petrify…

5. Rocking horses

Lot’s of kid’s toys are freaky (jack-in-the-box? Don’t even get me started on the sick pantomime that is Operation), but none as much as rocking horses. An animal that symbolises wildness, freedom, running, its legs peversely straightened and locked to a mocking pillory. There’s an easy trick to making kids things look scary – simply don’t have any kids there. And when they’re moving on their own – and a simply push or gust of wind is all that’s required in this case – well that’s a whole new level of freakiness. In Prom Night 2, poor Vicki gets locked in her bedroom with a demon possessed one, its writhing, rasping tongue protruding from its wooden mouth. Gross.

4. Children’s songs

Like toys, having a children’s song playing when there are no children about sets a sinister tone – indeed lots of nursery rhymes are supposedly based on history’s grimmest entries: Did you know for example that Ring-a-Ring-o-Rosie is thought to be about the Black Death and the Great plague; Jack and Jill are believed to be King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette; and Baa Baa Black sheep is apparently about the slave trade? The lyrics aren’t so subtle in A Nightmare on Elm Street, but that freaky chant of one, two, Freddy’s coming for you was the scariest thing in the whole series.

3. Ice-cream trucks

No offence to Ice-cream van drivers – but try describe that profession without sounding dodgy. The Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang tops many ‘worst villain’ lists, and with good reason, he is essentially a paedophile. His ‘treat-filled’ contraption was a terrifying hell-bound carriage of wrongness, which actually became a lot less sinister and repulsive once all the gaudy cardboard pretence fell away and its true nature of a simple cage was revealed. ‘Don’t take sweet from strangers’ became a moot piece of advice once mother’s let their kids watch this film.

2. Dolls

Still can’t understand why these are so popular – essentially little dead bodies, lifeless eyes staring back, tiny arms outstretched, beckoning you to lift them closer to your chest, your throat, your eyes… There are countless examples of scary dolls – Jigsaw’s dummy from saw deserves a dishonourable mention, and how Toy Story 3 got a G rating with the freaky-eyed Big Baby stomping around, I’ll never know – but all must bow to the king of playthings: Chucky. Sure, watching Child’s Play now is more comedy than horror, but if you grew up with the generation who had to sneak to watch this film without their parents knowledge or consent, you’ll remember how terrifying the little ginger was. Seeing him run around on his tiny little feet was bad enough, but it was much, much worse when he was pretending to be lifeless…

1. Clowns

Why do people say they’ve a fear of clowns like it’s the most unnatural thing in the world? Surely we all realise now that everybody is afraid of clowns? Who was the first person to imagine a grown man with his face painted would ever be appealing to children? In Stephen King’s It, the ‘It’ in question takes on many forms, focusing on children’s fears, but none even come close to Pennywise the Clown. There’s a whole generation of 80s kids who have chosen Burger King over McDonald’s ever since.

WHAT SCARES YOU?

With the release of sibling mixed martial arts fightfest Warrior this week, Ross McD and Ross McG from www.rossvross.com, who aren’t related, decide to take a look at the best sets of brothers in cinema.

5. Get Carter

Even running away from home, Michael Caine looked tough

Not exactly a tale of brotherly love, more a tale of ‘My name is Jack Carter. You killed my brother. Prepare to die.’ Michael Caine is electrifying in Mike Hodges’ 1971 British revenge classic set in the north east. But as Jack is going around Newcastle killing lots of people, you almost forget it’s all because of loyalty to his dead bro Frank, who we only meet in his coffin near the beginning of the film. There are no lame flashbacks to the two siblings playing with toy trains or racing to the fridge to get the last Kit Kat in the packet, but the bond is implied by the determination with which Carter goes about his goal of avenging his brother’s death. The fact that Jack uses Frank’s shotgun (even though he never fires it) to do so just reinforces things.

4. The Goonies

See that up there? Thats the height none of our careers will ever reach

The great part of the sibling rivalries in The Goonies is that there is something for everyone. Every older brother had an annoying little one like Mikey Walsh (Sean Astin), who would steal your stuff, wreck your head and tie you to a chair with your gym equipment. On the other hand, every younger brother had a stupid older one like Brand Walsh (Josh Brolin), always putting you down, going off kissing girls and spoiling your adventure. In the end, of course, the Walsh boys each decide that the other is alright – it’s amazing how a greedy quest for treasure can bring family together. Although that is more than can be said for the film’s other set of brothers, the Fratellis. My favourite is the opera-singing one who stormed Nakatomi Tower.

3. Napoleon Dynamite

'Swayze said something about the rythym of you heart or something'

When you’re younger, sometimes you have no choice but to hang out with your brother. When you live in a one-horse town, you’re really screwed. The relationship within Napoleon Dynamite which hogs most of the focus is the title character’s with his new buddie Pedro, but the real gold is to be mined in his various dealings with his brother Kip. It’s clear Nap and Kip don’t really like each other, yet they come to some sort of understanding in which they can co-exist. And when your goofy brother has dreams of becoming a cage fighter or travelling back in time, sometimes you have to just put your differences aside and support him. Don’t ask him to bring you your chapstick though.

2. The Game

The game is... see who can stick their lower jaw out he furthest; Okay go!

An often overlooked, bizarre gem of a movie, David Fincher’s WTF-is-going-on-er has one of the most believable set of brothers in Hollywood history. On paper asking Michael Douglas to play Sean Penn’s big brother sounds a bif iffy, but on screen it works perfectly. It helps that both men have made brilliant careers out of playing total jerks. As a result, pairing them as siblings becomes a no-brainer. So often you watch films (we will give Twins a free pass on this one) where it’s just not likely that two characters could be related because of the terrible decisions made when choosing actors. But Douglas and Penn (as Nicholas and Conrad Van Orton) elevate The Game to a level it would not have reached with some crappy stunt casting. And to think initially they tried to get Jodie Foster for Penn’s role! One gives the other a pretty crappy gift too, which, as every brother knows, is as realistic as it gets.

1. Rain Man

...but I dont WANNA join Scientology!

Does it matter that Dustin Hoffman is almost a quarter of a century older than Tom Cruise? Not a bit. This movie did for brothers what Star Wars did for special effects. And Charlie (Cruise) and Raymond (Hoffman) Babbitt are two of the greatest. Brilliant and brilliantly flawed characters played by two actors on top of their games, it’s a study in a brotherly relationship. Resentment and misunderstanding eventually giving way to realisation and love. That may sound a bit sappy, but this wasn’t Princess Diana’s favourite film for nothing. It’s interesting how different the brotherly bond in Rain Man could have been. Hoffman had originally been slated to play Charlie but changed his mind, then he wanted Bill Murray to play what would eventually be Cruise’s role. Even more bizarrely, Dennis and Randy Quaid had been considered as the two brothers during the writing of the script. They definitely, definitely got the right casting in the end.

If a movie were to be made about this list, it would be a movie about a list about lists in movies. Obviously, that movie would then have to be included in the list of best movies about lists. Following? No? Anyway, in honour of the release of British hitmen thriller Kill List, Ross McD lists the lists list.

5. Scott Pilgrim Vs The World

Bit of a fib, that title. He doesn’t take on the whole world, just seven evil exes. A videogamer’s wet dream, Michael Cera is cast against, ahem, type as a shy, mumbling nerdy teen battling for the affection of Ramona Flowers, when the dope already has the much hotter Knives Chau in the bag. Sadly, some of Ramona’s more recent relationships are nowhere near as interesting as her earlier flings. Honourable mentions to levitating, fireball-spewing Dhalsim-nodding Satya Bhabha, and ‘pretty good’ skateboarder turned ‘pretty good’ action movie star Lucas Lee, but nobody came near Brandon Routh as…

Best entry: #3 – Todd Ingram. The bass guitar duel with the psychic vegan-powered one remains the highlight of the film

4. The Ten Commandments

To Christians, Jews and Muslims, this is probably the most important list of all time. To Buddhists, it’s a pretty good Charlton Heston Movie. Did you know there are actually 13 commandments in the Bible? Jesus started tacking on a few towards the end. That’s right, the ‘miracle guy’, the ‘resurrection guy’ and the ‘walk on water then turn it into wine’ guy was such an attention hog that he tried to rob Moses’ party piece and become the ‘commandments guy’ too. What happened to not coveting thy neighbour’s stuff, huh Jesus? Greedy.

Best entry: #3 – Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. Aka: srsly, chillax on Sundays

3. Se7en

And speaking of greed, we come to another religion-inspired list. Personally, I don’t get the seven deadly sins. Murder, rape, making Greedo shoot first don’t make it, yet things like pride and sloth do. Surely God must have been a little proud of Jesus, what with him dying for our sins and all? And sloth? He just told us to chill out on Sundays in the Commandments! He had a lazy Sunday himself during the very first one! Anyway, David Fincher makes superb use of this list, shocking us with each and every entry, even though we know it off by heart.

Best entry: #3 – Sloth. Oh shit! He’s still alive!

2. Schindler’s List

The unions would have had a field day with this guy. Employs underage children; employs people in positions they are not properly trained for; employs ethnic minorities because they’re cheaper; and then doesn’t even pay wages. Seriously though, in an age where everybody is desperate for jobs nowadays, can you imagine how desperate you would have been to get on Oskar Schindler’s payroll? Staff benefits include avoiding genocide.

Best entry: #173 – Leopold ‘Poldek’ Pfefferberg. The holocaust survivor who inspired the novel that inspired the film. Reportedly bugged Spielberg for 11 years until he agreed to direct.

1. Kill Bill (vol 1&2)

We Rosses loves making lists – shopping lists, to do lists, Christmas pressie lists and of course top five lists. However, I doubt, should I feel the need to wreak bloody revenge on the five former colleagues who ruined my wedding AND left me in a coma, that writing each of their names on a piece of paper is completely necessary. While I am forgetful, I think I would probably remember gouging someone’s eye out or chopping someone’s scalp off without having to cross them off a list. But it is the delicious satisfaction Una Thuman’s Beatrix Kiddo takes when pointedly striking through each of the ludicrously-cool codenames of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad that make her such an awesome heroine, and the Kill Bills such awesome films. That piece of paper is exactly the kind of evidence police will use against you, though.

Best entry: #2 Vernita Green / Copperhead. Knife fights aren’t normally things of beauty, but this one is.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE LISTS FROM MOVIES?