Archive for the BATTLES Category

Godzilla 2014 v Godzilla 1998: Who is the best Godzilla?

Posted in BATTLES with tags on May 12, 2014 by Ross McG

Godzilla2014

Gigantic mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fearsomest Godzilla of them all? Hollywood doesn’t do shame, so when they pilfer the idea for Japan’s greatest movie monster, why not do it twice? In 1998, we had Godzilla and now in 2014 we’re about to have… wait for it… Godzilla. Catchy title. But can the new Godzilla, released this week and directed by British director Gareth Edwards, knock its older counterpart out.

1. Tagline

Say what you like about the 1998 Godzilla movie – and pretty much everybody who saw it has – but it had a stonkingly good tagline: ‘Size does matter’. Simple and succinct, it’s a real belter. Does anyone know what the tagline for the new Godzilla movie even is? One of them is this: ‘The world ends. Godzilla begins’. Uh, isn’t that a bit of a spoiler? And it’s inaccurate – Godzilla was beginning (in modern Hollywood terms, at least) back in 1998. Ironically though, new Godzilla is three times bigger than the old one.

WINNER: GODZILLA ’98

Godzillasize

The Tweety Bird reboot had got way out of hand. Or foot.

2. Music

The new Godzilla has a score by the wonderful Alexandre Desplat from the last two Harry Potter movies, but come on, old Godzilla has Jamiroquai with Deeper Underground and a terrible CGI video. And it has Puff Daddy shouting at Jimmy Page’s guitar. It’s a no-brainer. Come on, say it with me… ‘AH-HUH… YEAH. AH-HUH… YEAH.’ Anyone else think Puff says ‘Tom Hulce’ instead of ‘time halts’ in this song? No, just me? Ah okay.

WINNER: GODZILLA ’98

3. Dialogue

There’s a few decent lines in the new Godzilla trailers. One is Ken Watanabe’s ‘The arrogance of man is thinking nature is in our control… and not the other way around.’ That’s a good one. But is it as good as these gems from Roland Emmerich’s earlier Godzilla?

- ‘Negative impact? That’s the goddamned Chrysler Building!’

- ‘I’ve always wanted to join the French Foreign Legion.’

- ‘That’s a lot of fish.’

No.

WINNER: GODZILLA ’98

godzillafish

Mmmm… fish!

4. Cast

While watchers of old Godzilla have to make do with the charisma-free zone that is Matthew Broderick, they do receive a double treat in return: The Simpsons alumni Harry Shearer and Hank Azaria – the latter even references his yellow alter-ego, bartender Moe, by moaning ‘Aw jeez’ at one point. Alright, so new ‘Zilla has Bryan Cranston post-Breaking Bad (reckon Walter White could probably defeat Godzilla on his own) and I love David Strathairn in anything, but then old ‘Zilla pulls its trump card: Jean Reno. Jean Reno doing Elvis.

WINNER: GODZILLA ’98

5. Godzilla

Unfortunately, the 1998 Godzilla looked pretty dreadful, like a velociraptor dressed up in a Godzilla costume. It was rubbish. And it had a face you wanted to punch. New Godzilla, on the other hand, just looks like…. well, Godzilla. Some seriously good creature design has gone into this bad boy. Love his mountain range of spikes on his back and his relatively tiny mouth. It just looks real. This isn’t a documentary, is it?

WINNER: GODZILLA ’14

godzillaexplode

Cool Godzillas don’t look at explosions

The Big Spy Battle… Bourne v Bond v Salt v the two blokes from Spies Like Us, as well as some other ones

Posted in BATTLES with tags , , , , on February 28, 2012 by Ross McG

To mark the release of spy v spy flick This Means War (yes, it’s finally being released: all those adverts on buses and the annoying 10-minute previews before movies you actually paid to see weren’t for nothing you know), starring Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine and Tom Hardy, Ross McG does some spy v spy action of his own. Or spy v spy v spy v spy v spy v spy v spy action. Continue reading

The big giant end of the year New Year’s Eve battle

Posted in BATTLES with tags , , on December 13, 2011 by rossvross

Last year we had Valentine’s Day, this year it’s New Year’s Eve, which is released this week. A dozens-strong all-star cast turn up, shoot a couple of scenes, get paid, movie execs make millions, audiences have one potentially crap film broken down into lots of nice, easy-to-manage little pieces – everybody wins. Be warned though: Christmas Day, All Hallow’s Eve, St Patrick’s Day, St Swithin’s Day, A Random Person’s Birthday will all follow. Here, Ross McD and Ross McG from pit the cast against each other. Continue reading

Dirty Dancing v Footloose

Posted in BATTLES with tags , , , , on September 30, 2011 by rossvross

The Footloose remake is on the big screen… the Dirty Dancing remake is in the pipeline. What better time then to revisit the originals with an 80s face-off featuring Sunday shoes being kicked off and Swayze’s shirt being ripped off. Ross McD and Ross McG pit these two dancing giants against each other. Read the arguments below and decide which movie is best. Continue reading

Alien v Unforgiven

Posted in BATTLES with tags , , , , , , , on August 18, 2011 by rossvross

To mark the release this week of genre mash-up Cowboys & Aliens, Ross McD and Ross McG are pitting an epic western against a scary sci-fi in this week’s movie battle. So slip on your chaps, strap your laser gun to your holster and get ready for one hell of a fight. And remember: in space… no one can hear you scream for your rifle… Continue reading

Harry Potter House Battle: Gryffindor v Slytherin

Posted in BATTLES with tags , , , , , , on July 13, 2011 by rossvross

After seven books, eight films, nine-and-three-quarter platforms and ten long years, the Harry Potter Saga is finally at an end. We’ve seen a lot of comings and goings through Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but one question still remains: which house is the best? The goodly Gryffindors or the sneaky Slytherins? Ross McD and Ross McG don the Sorting Hat… Continue reading

Avatar v Ferngully: The Last Rainforest

Posted in BATTLES with tags , , , , on June 23, 2011 by rossvross

Eco movie warriors Ross McD and Ross McG have gone green by putting together a very special environmentally friendly battle – except there’s nothing friendly about it. Which of these nature nurture movies is top of the food chain? James Cameron’s blue epic…or the film it’s supposedly based on? Continue reading

Star Trek v X-Men: First Class

Posted in BATTLES with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011 by rossvross

Reboots: There was a time when you needed a few decades in between. Nowadays there’s barely enough time to put your foot on the ground before we’re winding up to punt another franchise up the arse. Ross McG and Ross McD pit two modern remakes against each other. Continue reading

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