Alice In Wonderland v Robin Hood

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It’s an animated old school Disney duel to die for. Pill-popping Alice and the Queen of Hearts take on the chicken-stealing Prince of Thieves and a thumb-sucking lion. Read the arguments and decide. Curiouser and curiouser…

Ross McD: Alice In Wonderland

I warn you dear child: if I lose my temper, you lose your head

Two of Disney’s less well remembered films are less well remembered for very different reasons. One got a lukewarm reception because it could never quite live up to the literary genius of Lewis Carroll’s much-loved masterpiece. The other because it looked like it was made for 50 quid and animated by a six-year-old colouring book aficionado.

When you think of Alice In Wonderland, you immediately picture Disney’s 1951 depiction. Say Robin Hood and your mind could wander in any amount of directions, from the excellent Prince of Thieves to Patrick Bergin’s poor-man’s version, or from the badly dated Men In Tights to the surprisingly unpornographic Maid Marian and her Merry Men.

Disney’s Robin Hood does have a few standout scenes, namely Robin’s fantastic stork disguise during the archery contest, Little John kissing the jewels from Prince John’s rings and the Sheriff of Nottingham nicking money from the blind beggar. And admittedly Robin Hood pips Alice music-wise with its few catchy (but not sing-along-able to) tunes. But Alice doesn’t have time to stop and whistle or play the lute, because it is too busy being a simply stunning film.

alice-lost

Season 12 of Lost was starting to run out of ideas...

Alice In Wonderland could be the finest example of animated film ever made. To even attempt to visualise Carroll’s clearly drug-induced warped weirdness that is Wonderland is ballsy, but to actually pull it off is phenomenal. Not one to hog all the credit, Carroll and in turn the Disney animators pay homage to the narcotics that inspired it – from the questionable ingredients of the Mad Hatter’s tea cakes to size-altering mushrooms, and not forgetting a gargantuan bong-toking caterpillar.

As drug support groups are constantly reminding us, hallucinogens aren’t all fun and games – Alice In Wonderland is at times terrifying. The themes of loneliness and isolation would crush children were they not distracted by the sumptuous colours: the Walrus and the Carpenter is simply devastating. And anyone even the slightest bit claustrophobic would be advised to brace themselves before a viewing – falling head first down a rabbit hole, growing too big to fit through the door and, of course, the pick-up-52 deck of cards attack finale. Don’t forget, every single one of those cards was hand drawn, not like the lazy computer animators of today.

Of course, it’s not all psychological chiller. Alice In Wonderland contains some of the Disney catalogue’s funniest set pieces, from the sheer panic involved in painting the roses red to the hedgehog croquet game, complete with Alice’s jaw-clenchingly frustrating floppy flamingo club.

Not only does Alice hammer Robin animation-wise (plus she’s way foxier than Maid Marian), its characters have so much more depth than the Hood’s one-dimensional fare. Who could forget the smug grin on perhaps Wonderland’s only sane resident, the Cheshire Cat, who is also the only resident unafraid of the delightfully psychotic Queen of Hearts.

Besides Robin Hood’s boring old stock Disney backgrounds and the stolen animations from other films, the characters are SHAMELESSLY robbed from earlier Disney classics. Sir Hiss bears more than a striking resemblance to The Jungle Book’s Kaa and Little John is clearly just a different shade of Baloo.

And for the love of GOD will somebody PLEASE string up those head-melting little rabbit kids, have them skinned and make stew out of them, the annoying little gits. And that turtle should make a fine soup to boot. I’ve never wanted to kick a small animal so much in my life.

 

 

 

Ross McG: Robin Hood

Robin Hood and Little John walkin’ through the forest
Laughin’ back and forth in the best Disney ever made
Reminiscin’, This-‘n’-thattin’
Havin’ such a good time
Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally
Golly what a day

Never ever thinkin’ about Alice In Wonderland
They knew it just weren’t any good
Never dreamin’ why Ross McD was so deluded
He must be in a really bad mood

Alice In Wonderland not as good as Robin Hood
Lots of annoyin’ characters gettin’ in the way
Alice is a prissy bitch, White Rabbit not as cool as
Stitch
Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally
Golly what a day

Dodo is a dodo, Tweedledum is pretty dum
The Mad Hatter keeps drivin’ me mad
Cheshire Cat is creepy, Dormouse makes me sleepy
Don’t recall the movie being this bad

Hey John, do you think this rhyming bull is really gonna pay off in this battle?

Hey John, do you really think this rhyming bulls**t is gonna pay off?

Robin Hood wipes the floor with Alice In Wonderland
Filled with fun adventure every step of the way
Little John
really rocks, Marian’s a complete fox
Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally
Golly what a day

Robin steals from the rich and from other Disney
But heck that’s just part of its charm
Every song rolls off the tongue, even old Prince John is fun
Can’t help feelin’ fuzzy and warm

Robin Hood is better than Alice In Wonderland
Even better than Lion King and Toy Story
With Alice you don’t give a damn but
not in Nottingham
Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally
Golly what a day

More fantastic than Fantasia, bigger than Bambi
It’s even more fun than WALL.E
Forget finding Nemo, forget flying Dumbo
It makes you whistle – just
ask MGMT

Robin Hood and Little John walkin’ through the forest
Laughin’ back and forth in the best Disney ever made
Reminiscin’, This-‘n’-thattin
Havin such a good time
Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally
Golly what a day

Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally
Golly what a day…

VOTING CLOSED… RESULT:
Alice: 36 %
Robin: 64 %
ROBIN RULES!

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12 Responses to “Alice In Wonderland v Robin Hood”

  1. Always considered Robin Hood to be what would happen if The Coen Brothers directed a Disney movie. I think it’s the folk angle.

  2. Definitely Robin Hood, ohh dalally! Especially the culture guards

  3. Sorry, vulture guards! Altohugh I managed to now make them sound classier

  4. Alice in wonderland. i never reaaaaallly loved robin hood. Lewis carrol was a bit of an insane genius, his words are mental and his characters are borderline psychotics! Alice is a bit of a whine, but i definately think she beats robin hands down

  5. Alice in wonderland, wonderful film! Never been able to sit through all of Robin Hood, always bored me to tears. Poor everything, songs, characters, animation. Not Disney quality. It should never have been one of their features, its more like those crap sequels that go straight to dvd.

  6. I keep trying to sing Ross McG’s review – I just can’t get the scanning right.

  7. Captain Ken Says:

    Robin Hood all the way for me.

  8. I sprained my ankle in a rabbit hole when I was seven and it kind of ruined Alice In Wonderland for me. And if there’s such a thing as a sex offenders list in Wonderland, I’ll bet that sleazy caterpillar with the hookah is somewhere near the top

  9. The “Happy Unbirthday” song aside, the Disney “Alice” is a bit of a travesty – for a kick-off, merging two separately wondrous books so clumsily together (and not just for turning Alice un-canonically blonde…) They wasted it, really, though there’s not really been a truly special version since – Jonathan Miller’s sagged in places, and the latter-day Kate Beckinsale/Hollywood name-dropper strained a little too hard.
    “Robin Hood” wins for me, for all that and because, for all its rip-off visuals, the songs are just so good. Roger Miller on fine form.
    Good goalscorer and corner-flag-serenader, an’ all…

  10. Winwoozle Says:

    Robin Hood “He’s soooooo handsome!”

  11. Ben Dover Says:

    The dude was trippen on methan when he wrote alice wonderland. That makes it better than robin hood. Even though Robin hood is BA. Alice wins!!!

  12. Wayne C. Perelman Says:

    Your contention that the 1951 Alice or even the original by Charles Lutwidge Dodgson is a drug induced tale shows your IGNORANCE and crass STUPIDITY!! Walt Disney would NOT tolerate drunkards OR drug takers!! Charles Lutwidge Dodgson was a very stable individual who wrote many learned treatises on mathematics and poetry in addition to his Alice books! He was NOT a habitual drug taker!! Okay, now you can put your head back in your rectum where it belongs!!!

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